SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE YUKON

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ THE YUKON



"FROM GOBBLING IN THE GOVAN STAND TO BEING TV's
SHINIEST TWAT, TO FAVOURITE COCK-JOCK DJ TO NEW
SFA COMPLIANCE OFFICER - READ RYLAN'S STORY
TODAY!"

Gay Times cover, March 2021 edition.




BANE - 6.5/10 MOTM by default.

Pinky-promise finger super save after half an hour of
inactive baws-chilling in the lonely away end. Must have
thought he'd done his bit right there to contribute to
a vital win. Oh, how he didn't laugh later as he stood
rooted while another set-piece calamity left him with
no chance....



GREGGS THE BAKER - N/A

Spent Sunday afternoon introducing the concept of bread
to locals. Then lasted five minutes before the bubonic
plague he'd contracted sidelined him.



JONJO O'NEILL - 4/10

Thought he'd stepped into Brig O' Doon. Played like the
bizarre nature of the team performance was infectious.
Couldn't find a final ball either, in tribute to PingPong.
Who, incidentally, now looks as if he can, going by
Leverkusen highlights; like he'd found some wacky
professional coaching regime over there or something...



RAQUEL - 5/10

Immediatly made Queen of Dingwall and declared Bride of
Crom, the Great Worm. Affected by the seeping malaise
around him as his seniors gave him a tatse of what it's
like to complacently surrender history. Far from blameless
as he was caught under the flight of the winning goal, and
slack with passing. But he's not the bhoy you expect to have
to look to in order to get a result against Coonty.



AJER - 4/10

Far enough into the North that he could cover himself
in woad and make sacrifices of scantily-clad maidens
and woodland creatures to the Allfather without a local
batting an eye; In fact, they call that, 'Sunday'.

Not a lot to do, but failed in what there was - organising
properly, and caught under the ball #2 at the winning
set-piece. And could not inspire with forward rampages
due to packed midfield.



BROON - 3/10

Entitlement? Broon swaggered about like an ex-pro
filling in at a junior pre-season friendly. Domination
and control are why he's there, yet proved unable to
exert either. Out-jumped for their goal, appeared
baffled when he should have been appalled his orders
were neglected. His Will To Power seems to have gone
with his legs. Yet why did he even start when that
Man of Soro has proven a worthy successor?



CALMAC - 4/10

From impressario to the guy who pops up to ping the
triangle at inopportune moments. Opposition like this
were once relished by Calmac as Sunday-roast carving
practice for his calculated precision, dissected with
his array defence-slicing plays. Tonight he just
blundered about, more Leatherface than Lecter.



ROGIC - 3/10

Wandering swagman in search of a billabong, got lost
in forest of teuchterbassa trees. See what I did
there, Oz? More than you...



EDDIE TURNBULL - 4/10

Back in the passenger role when we required a chauffeur
for French Eddy. As expected, up against a determined
press of snarling journeymen. But that's what you're paid
to do in The Hoops - and find a way to be better than them,
not shackled like they do with outsiders in the Dingwall
Toon Square, and have horseshit thrown at them for talking
into their 'magikal hand-slates'.




CORPUS CHRISTIE - 5.5/10

In purgatory. Or, attacking midfielder/ supporting striker,
or fuckknowswhatjustgonearEddy as the Celtic tactic board
defines it.

Just do what Eddy does, they told him, so he did - and missed
a sitter that hit the orbiting Kenny Miller. In fairness he
did look sharper than most but still infuriatingly insincere
about it all, and shoots like Mr.Magoo in a centrifuge.



FRENCH EDDY - 3/10

Le Matrix is Eddy's favourite movie, and he provided the
glitch in it, somehow failing to bulge the net with anything
but himself on the half hour. It was an ominous sign from the
deserted legionaire, and like Beau Geste he seemed to disappear
off to the French Foreign Legion soon after. If he's any brains,
he won't return...





SUBS:


DREXL - 5/10

Well, Drexl gets a pass for effort and refusing to take part
in the hide-and-seek game the rest were playing; showed up
for as much as was going, remained clumsy in his execution,
though. Still wears that hairstyle they refer to up there as
'the witch-doctor look'.



GRIFF - N/A

On for Griff's equivalent of a full season's effort. Smacked
a late free-kick forlornly over the bar; course you did, Griff.
If only you'd taken this shit seriously a few months back...



ELSHAGYONLASSIE - N/A

Another departing cameo, another taste of why he wants back
to England. Close with a header that produced a fine save.




LENNONY - 0/10

'Hmm, okay, who deserves a run up front with Eddy?
Ajeti, Klimala, or Griff? I can't decide...Right,
enny-meeny-miny...Christie.'

One striker and a floating nuisance against a side
with a single long-ball gambit. 'Why change a winning
team,' has always been Lennony's mantra.

LOL, no it's not; had ye...

No, it's actually, 'Keep repeating the mistakes of
the past in the slim hope it'll be different next
time."

Ross Coonty - 12 goals conceded from corners, worst
in league. So we take most of ours short. We can't
defend a set-piece, nor can we execute one.

Who's managing this, Lennony? Who's paying attention
to detail? Who's doing the research? Who's derelicting
duty...

...Nobody, we booked six buses, right?

You stopped chasing this historic title long ago,
Lennony. Alarmingly, now you're just straw-clutching
in the hope everyone gets so disillusioned with the
shambles they forget you're still in charge.




OVERALL - 0/10

Ah, the tempo, the zest, the hunger and desire; Wasn't
2017 great? Yes it was, but that's no reason to play
the 2017 midfield again.

You're not Celtic any more; You knew what was required,
but you couldn't raise yourselves to do it.

You're not Celtic any more; You let yet another team
of un-nameables get gallus in place of trepidation.

You're not Celtic any more; You play in moody patches
of hopeful interaction, devoid of basic, learned
patterns of play drilled on training grounds.

You're not Celtic any more; what a disgrace you've
been from top to toe. What a lack of professionalism
and respect shown to the famous Hoops, encapsulated
in the ponderous angst of tonight's miserable struggle
to resemble anything close to a Celtic team.

Another must win, and another diabolical failure.
18 points behind the Hun with 8 games to go in the
season of a lifetime where legends could have become
immortals. Instead, we get players going through the
motions, wishing for the end of a tortuous campaign
in which they've been paid handsomely to self-harm
and dismantle the hopes of impassioned generations.

You're not Celtic any more; you're not even close.


Go Away Now.

Sandman.
 
Last edited:

Winning Captains

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Staff member

DILLIGAF

Well-known member
A fair and balanced review of the shambles that is our club at the moment
Aye but on a positive note, the strips looked nice :rolleyes:
Imagine sitting on the bench and watching those wage stealers and thinking, how long do I have to wait fo an opportunity
Talk about a toxic environment
Unfair on the young Bhoys, like Luca Connel
What could it hurt, to blood some of them, now we're out of the running ?
 

John nó

Well-known member
A fair and balanced review of the shambles that is our club at the moment
Aye but on a positive note, the strips looked nice :rolleyes:
Imagine sitting on the bench and watching those wage stealers and thinking, how long do I have to wait fo an opportunity
Talk about a toxic environment
Unfair on the young Bhoys, like Luca Connel
What could it hurt, to blood some of them, now we're out of the running ?
We have only seen that once this season DILLIGAF against lille at home, when the youngsters showed what it meant to play for celtic.
What have we got since is to dismiss them to be replaced with experience who don't give a fuck.
Another great idea of lenny puppet and to show everyone just how good he is at making a total bollox of a season
 

Winter

Well-known member
A fair and balanced review of the shambles that is our club at the moment
Aye but on a positive note, the strips looked nice :rolleyes:
Imagine sitting on the bench and watching those wage stealers and thinking, how long do I have to wait fo an opportunity
Talk about a toxic environment
Unfair on the young Bhoys, like Luca Connel
What could it hurt, to blood some of them, now we're out of the running ?
Only reason must be that 2nd champions league place hasnt been achieved yet but reason has been in very short supply this season, so by logic that reason would be null and void. The reason I believe in is lenny sticks by his trusted lieutenants , yes men, those the board want playing with a view to sell and his so called signings and loan deals which means the board at least get a return on the Duffy laxalt Kenny Elyounnoussi money they spent badly as that kind of money for 3 EPL and a serie A players couldve been better spent on permanent defenders , browny pts for lenny , minus pts for Celtic. Rodgers was right in a way that we have a million wingers , many can play there. If given the chance. HH ☘
 

John nó

Well-known member
Only reason must be that 2nd champions league place hasnt been achieved yet but reason has been in very short supply this season, so by logic that reason would be null and void. The reason I believe in is lenny sticks by his trusted lieutenants , yes men, those the board want playing with a view to sell and his so called signings and loan deals which means the board at least get a return on the Duffy laxalt Kenny Elyounnoussi money they spent badly as that kind of money for 3 EPL and a serie A players couldve been better spent on permanent defenders , browny pts for lenny , minus pts for Celtic. Rodgers was right in a way that we have a million wingers , many can play there. If given the chance. HH ☘
Winter the finances on players under lenny and with the vision of PL traitor have been spunked all over the place.
No hindsight on the value on youth and a lack of belief in them, and no plans for development to build them into better players
 

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