Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v KILLIEMANGIRO
"Young and strong on the wings of tomorrow
Rise up in millions, get off your knees
Dispelling the demons
(Rage hard) Doing it right
(Rage hard) Against the dark
(Rage hard)"
Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
DUKE OF HAZARD - 6.5/10
Is he a Daisy or is he a Bo? He never got tested,
so we'll never know. Did what he had to do well.
Got to shout 'Keeper's' a lot and wear seasonal purple
with lime piping and fetching grey gloves, so the
observational flamboyant in our support will be
pleased.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7/10
I'll have one of yer Xmas pasties while you check
back up and down the flank... Then, festive surprise
- he pops up in the Killie box only to be promptly
brought down.
A foul's a foul, as they say everywhere on planet
football except the ludges of this bitter wee hatepit
and so it transpired as Robertson the ref betrayed his
membership of the Klub De Kunt, an eccentric appreciation
society set up in honour of a former German international
and seemingly populated entirely by Scottish referees.
Greggs must have been observing Drexl closely because
he's added some energy and positivity and was a more
aggressive presence all day down that left. Let's hope
we're not paying him in shit, though, as he still can't
cross for it.
AJER - 7.5/10
Was in the huff for the first ten minutes because the
kitman refused to replace his surname with 'Kristiano'
on the back of his jersey. So as he sought to re-brand
himself as a singular entity, did the ego distort the
talent?
Passing was guff but the metrosexual magic was still
in the boots and today first-half he was channeling
Zidane. Then Kristiano came to the fore again and
bedazzled everyone; I reckon he's possessed by the
sprits of greats. Hoping Beckenbauer hangs around for
the season.
JULLIEN CLARY - 7/10
L'eder was a beauty on Thursday and an 18/1 shot,
sadly missed. So now that the serious money was
on a repeat (my weans' Xmas...) would he deliver
again?
Well, no he didn't. And neither will Santa, kids, if you're
up late reading this; them's the breaks, ain't life tough,
character building, etc, etc. Get over it.
Took a great save to stop him opening the scoring.
Took a nasty whiplashed ankle to curtail his mobility but
he soldiered on and put in an enormously encouraging
game.
ALAN LADD - 8.5/10 MOTM
The Irish breed big tough horses and let them wander
around the estates, if The Committments is to be
believed.
So at least we know where the scouts found him. We
tend to let this one wander around Paradise at his
own behest.
And such horse negligence occassionally breeds happy
chaos - an uplifiting clunk in off a hoof set us on the
way and when that great neck snapped in the second
like a catapult I realised what had happened to Shergar's
DNA.
Credit where it's due - Mr.Calamity turns Mr.Tumus
with a performance straight out of the Chronicles of
Narnia. It must be Xmas soon.
PINGPONG - 6.5/10
Big bad wall hit the wee mhan on Thursday which might
explain him cutting inside frequently as hanging too
wide spooked him.
But he buzzed at them from the start of the second 45
and was prominent in shaking up Killie to a point of
near-collapse.
MAN OF - 8/10
The Great Black Hope, our Ivorian-Scottish Broon,
announcing his full SPL arrival with a cacophany of
a display, rattling Killie heids like Sunday spire
bells and dictating the middle so brutally the ghost
of Stalin was seen in the stands drawing breath in
through pursed lips.
The miniature massai goes out to own it and we saw
his plethora of attributes on display. Those Youtube
clips that so impressed me way back seemed to be
genuine indications of what we bought.
His break-up play is so good my marriage is in trouble.
And he has an electrifying switch-up ability which
sparks off attacks from nothing. Man, this will get
interesting.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Inspired by the new energy beside him, Calmac may be
emerging from his long dormancy. Looked temporarily
stunned again today by the verve around him as he
played the Broon role and sat deep to tidy up.
Still believes Soro's a Xmas present from his wife.
Pushed himself and his mhen forward from the first
whistle of the second half and his generalissimo
commands were well rewarded.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 7/10
Age has no barriers in the Hoops. Nor has death; An
example to the deceased and resurrected everywhere
that it's still possible to be a top player.
Eddie lit up Thursday with some exciting directness
and flowing interaction; no fluke, it seems as he
got in synch early. Air of expectation around him
when he bursts forward. Might have scored but
delivered the exact cross at the exact time to kill
off the game.
ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 6.5/10
Appeared. Appreared what? you may ask. Well,
actually appeared. In the game. Still floating but
with a bit more bite. However...
For a man of his class we need him on the ball when
HE wants it, not when we choose to play him in; I
want him DEMANDING the ball, doing what he
does best and creating the chaos that opened the
scoring. But earlier. And MORE often.
FRENCH EDDY - 6/10
No look of disinterest today - wore an expression
like his cat had just started talking to him as a new
phenomenon materialised: Support. Service. Delivery.
Nearly slashed one in as he set his sights,
Agonisingly close with two point-blank headers.
Joyeux Noel, Eddy - here's a pass. Have a cross.
Winding up to the inevitable... Then he got subbed..?
SUBS:
DREXL - N/A
What's tougher - selling crack in the warzones of 90s
Detroit or facing Killie on a winter's day in Glasgow?
Well, we know what's wetter.
Drexl's pure relentless yardie gangsta when the whislte
goes - a man for a cause who'll never fault for effort.
It was a relief to see him get in on the shoot-out for
the last fifteen given his alarmingly early exit Thursday.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 6/10
Twelve days to his birthday and he's saving up the big
present for next Sunday. Floated on, floated around, looked
dangerous.
ROGIC - N/A
'It's summer in Oz', he growled as he was forced out of his
thermals and into the win bonus.
KLIMALA KLIMAX - 6/10
Stepped up the pecking order by way of his Lille antagonism,
pitched in like a porn mag in the park bushes among thorny
Killie defnders, did his bit well enough that only a toe
stopped him tapping in a deserved third.
MIKEY J - 6/10
"After completing filming for his forthcoming starring part
in the Dune movie, Timothee Chalamet reprised his role as a
New Romantic throwback, be-hooped soccer star with a cameo
at Paradise today that showed cultured tenacity and promising
fleet of foot"
Variety Magazine
LENNONY - 7.5/10
Would he, wouldn't he? Drop Broon. Yes. Friends is no
longer his favourite TV Show. Now it Game Of Thrones
machinations as the pressure hits max and the boss walks
the razor's edge.
Expectations were fulfilled to the max as well today,
all petted lips put away and even teeth were spared a
grinding as the inclusion of Alan Ladd proved match-winning
and not damaging to plasterboard walls and foreheads across
Timland.
Next week he gets to crown his triumphant salvaging of the 8
and 9 with a Quadrofenian Treble capture. He'll deserve that.
Haters gonna hate.
OVERALL - 7.5/10
We're on the road again amid unfocussed internecene
squabbles and banners calling for the Beatles to
'disband'.
Sorry, not the fab four, the PLC; An experimental
synth combo known as the Peter Lawell Collective.
Anyway, the bhoys of the north curve don't like their
latest album, or something so they want him to go
solo.
And anyone called Tory has to leave as well.
And those in charge need to sack themselves.
It was good to see 27 year old bedsheets get an
airing, but thankfully less confusing than randon
rhetorical scatter-fire was the display inside
Paradise.
After a bit of jousting first-half it was time
for belief to rise and swamp a resolute Killie
mob. We found some dynamism and verve, absent
from SPL perfromances in the main. The kind of
wave of energy that buckles opponents.
Eventually the Bhoys got their just desserts and
we notched up a win that historically may look
run-of-the-mill but in this moment brings renewed
momentum and conviction to a squad hopefully jolted
out of their reverie.
So we move on with hope lifting up spirits and heads
and wonder if that's a new moon rising, or a Death Star.
We'll know so very soon.
Go Away Now.
Sandman.
"Young and strong on the wings of tomorrow
Rise up in millions, get off your knees
Dispelling the demons
(Rage hard) Doing it right
(Rage hard) Against the dark
(Rage hard)"
Frankie Goes To Hollywood.
DUKE OF HAZARD - 6.5/10
Is he a Daisy or is he a Bo? He never got tested,
so we'll never know. Did what he had to do well.
Got to shout 'Keeper's' a lot and wear seasonal purple
with lime piping and fetching grey gloves, so the
observational flamboyant in our support will be
pleased.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7/10
I'll have one of yer Xmas pasties while you check
back up and down the flank... Then, festive surprise
- he pops up in the Killie box only to be promptly
brought down.
A foul's a foul, as they say everywhere on planet
football except the ludges of this bitter wee hatepit
and so it transpired as Robertson the ref betrayed his
membership of the Klub De Kunt, an eccentric appreciation
society set up in honour of a former German international
and seemingly populated entirely by Scottish referees.
Greggs must have been observing Drexl closely because
he's added some energy and positivity and was a more
aggressive presence all day down that left. Let's hope
we're not paying him in shit, though, as he still can't
cross for it.
AJER - 7.5/10
Was in the huff for the first ten minutes because the
kitman refused to replace his surname with 'Kristiano'
on the back of his jersey. So as he sought to re-brand
himself as a singular entity, did the ego distort the
talent?
Passing was guff but the metrosexual magic was still
in the boots and today first-half he was channeling
Zidane. Then Kristiano came to the fore again and
bedazzled everyone; I reckon he's possessed by the
sprits of greats. Hoping Beckenbauer hangs around for
the season.
JULLIEN CLARY - 7/10
L'eder was a beauty on Thursday and an 18/1 shot,
sadly missed. So now that the serious money was
on a repeat (my weans' Xmas...) would he deliver
again?
Well, no he didn't. And neither will Santa, kids, if you're
up late reading this; them's the breaks, ain't life tough,
character building, etc, etc. Get over it.
Took a great save to stop him opening the scoring.
Took a nasty whiplashed ankle to curtail his mobility but
he soldiered on and put in an enormously encouraging
game.
ALAN LADD - 8.5/10 MOTM
The Irish breed big tough horses and let them wander
around the estates, if The Committments is to be
believed.
So at least we know where the scouts found him. We
tend to let this one wander around Paradise at his
own behest.
And such horse negligence occassionally breeds happy
chaos - an uplifiting clunk in off a hoof set us on the
way and when that great neck snapped in the second
like a catapult I realised what had happened to Shergar's
DNA.
Credit where it's due - Mr.Calamity turns Mr.Tumus
with a performance straight out of the Chronicles of
Narnia. It must be Xmas soon.
PINGPONG - 6.5/10
Big bad wall hit the wee mhan on Thursday which might
explain him cutting inside frequently as hanging too
wide spooked him.
But he buzzed at them from the start of the second 45
and was prominent in shaking up Killie to a point of
near-collapse.
MAN OF - 8/10
The Great Black Hope, our Ivorian-Scottish Broon,
announcing his full SPL arrival with a cacophany of
a display, rattling Killie heids like Sunday spire
bells and dictating the middle so brutally the ghost
of Stalin was seen in the stands drawing breath in
through pursed lips.
The miniature massai goes out to own it and we saw
his plethora of attributes on display. Those Youtube
clips that so impressed me way back seemed to be
genuine indications of what we bought.
His break-up play is so good my marriage is in trouble.
And he has an electrifying switch-up ability which
sparks off attacks from nothing. Man, this will get
interesting.
CALMAC - 6.5/10
Inspired by the new energy beside him, Calmac may be
emerging from his long dormancy. Looked temporarily
stunned again today by the verve around him as he
played the Broon role and sat deep to tidy up.
Still believes Soro's a Xmas present from his wife.
Pushed himself and his mhen forward from the first
whistle of the second half and his generalissimo
commands were well rewarded.
EDDIE TURNBULL - 7/10
Age has no barriers in the Hoops. Nor has death; An
example to the deceased and resurrected everywhere
that it's still possible to be a top player.
Eddie lit up Thursday with some exciting directness
and flowing interaction; no fluke, it seems as he
got in synch early. Air of expectation around him
when he bursts forward. Might have scored but
delivered the exact cross at the exact time to kill
off the game.
ELSHAGYONLASSIE - 6.5/10
Appeared. Appreared what? you may ask. Well,
actually appeared. In the game. Still floating but
with a bit more bite. However...
For a man of his class we need him on the ball when
HE wants it, not when we choose to play him in; I
want him DEMANDING the ball, doing what he
does best and creating the chaos that opened the
scoring. But earlier. And MORE often.
FRENCH EDDY - 6/10
No look of disinterest today - wore an expression
like his cat had just started talking to him as a new
phenomenon materialised: Support. Service. Delivery.
Nearly slashed one in as he set his sights,
Agonisingly close with two point-blank headers.
Joyeux Noel, Eddy - here's a pass. Have a cross.
Winding up to the inevitable... Then he got subbed..?
SUBS:
DREXL - N/A
What's tougher - selling crack in the warzones of 90s
Detroit or facing Killie on a winter's day in Glasgow?
Well, we know what's wetter.
Drexl's pure relentless yardie gangsta when the whislte
goes - a man for a cause who'll never fault for effort.
It was a relief to see him get in on the shoot-out for
the last fifteen given his alarmingly early exit Thursday.
CORPUS CHRISTIE - 6/10
Twelve days to his birthday and he's saving up the big
present for next Sunday. Floated on, floated around, looked
dangerous.
ROGIC - N/A
'It's summer in Oz', he growled as he was forced out of his
thermals and into the win bonus.
KLIMALA KLIMAX - 6/10
Stepped up the pecking order by way of his Lille antagonism,
pitched in like a porn mag in the park bushes among thorny
Killie defnders, did his bit well enough that only a toe
stopped him tapping in a deserved third.
MIKEY J - 6/10
"After completing filming for his forthcoming starring part
in the Dune movie, Timothee Chalamet reprised his role as a
New Romantic throwback, be-hooped soccer star with a cameo
at Paradise today that showed cultured tenacity and promising
fleet of foot"
Variety Magazine
LENNONY - 7.5/10
Would he, wouldn't he? Drop Broon. Yes. Friends is no
longer his favourite TV Show. Now it Game Of Thrones
machinations as the pressure hits max and the boss walks
the razor's edge.
Expectations were fulfilled to the max as well today,
all petted lips put away and even teeth were spared a
grinding as the inclusion of Alan Ladd proved match-winning
and not damaging to plasterboard walls and foreheads across
Timland.
Next week he gets to crown his triumphant salvaging of the 8
and 9 with a Quadrofenian Treble capture. He'll deserve that.
Haters gonna hate.
OVERALL - 7.5/10
We're on the road again amid unfocussed internecene
squabbles and banners calling for the Beatles to
'disband'.
Sorry, not the fab four, the PLC; An experimental
synth combo known as the Peter Lawell Collective.
Anyway, the bhoys of the north curve don't like their
latest album, or something so they want him to go
solo.
And anyone called Tory has to leave as well.
And those in charge need to sack themselves.
It was good to see 27 year old bedsheets get an
airing, but thankfully less confusing than randon
rhetorical scatter-fire was the display inside
Paradise.
After a bit of jousting first-half it was time
for belief to rise and swamp a resolute Killie
mob. We found some dynamism and verve, absent
from SPL perfromances in the main. The kind of
wave of energy that buckles opponents.
Eventually the Bhoys got their just desserts and
we notched up a win that historically may look
run-of-the-mill but in this moment brings renewed
momentum and conviction to a squad hopefully jolted
out of their reverie.
So we move on with hope lifting up spirits and heads
and wonder if that's a new moon rising, or a Death Star.
We'll know so very soon.
Go Away Now.
Sandman.
