Sandman
Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v LEIPZIGGY STARDUST
'Red Bull gives you wings. Ange now needs wingers.
Loads of them.'
- Red Bull altered marketing from last week.
ROXIE - 8/10
Big Joe's boot! Big Joe's baws! Big Joe's left paw!
Did about all he could muster to make up for his
German club-foot disaster. Marvellous solid keeping,
but ultimately exposed by a tiring defence and
helpless at their goals.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7.5/10
Another CL test, another CL badge of honour for the
man least likely. Perfect example of focus and
channelled endeavour.
Played the first-half of his life and might have
planked in an historic opener but for sclaffing
it into the ground and onto the bar; hoping the Huns
might finally pay out on their crossbar challenge.
His intensity level faded after the interval, as did
many, and a few gaffs crept in. But take nothing away
from his value to the team, particularly against this
level of opposition, where he finds ability to go beyond
his assumed limitations and give us a new dimension when
least expected.
BIG MERCEDES - 7/10
After last week, he had it nailed, mostly... Addressed
his positional traumas from the start tonight, finding
the correct balance between committment and cover early.
That manifested in some terrfic stops and blocks and with
CCV beside him, it looked for a while that they might not
find a way through.
GET CARTER - 7.5/10
Like Jenz, this big mhan showed what we'd missed with a
sterling, competent peformance up agianst top class pace
and guile. Kept himself mentally one step ahead and made
every knife-edge moment his. As with Joe, no blame laid
at his doorstep for their goals - just the result of runners
cutting past tired legs. Plus, he's too fucking big to
point the finger at...
JURAN JURAN - 6.5/10
On nights like these we get that electrifying turn of pace
showcased to remind us why he's the Croats first choice for the
World Cup. We also get reminded that he might just give us
a little extra at particular moments when the pressure's on;
Didn't quite have the final ball delivery at pivotal times.
Caught in ball-watching indecision instead of clearing it
out before their killer goal, but looked spent by then.
THE BUILDER - 8.5/10 MOTM
Tremendous shift from the handsomest young viking in Glasgow.
He had to dig deep and dig fast to keep our two-man midfield
presence alive.
Looked swamped first half-hour but those quality feet got to
work and he grew into the game, tackling, drifting with fluid
intelligence so he was never too far from an attack or to cover
their counter. Deserved to cap his night with a goal but the
damned post foiled him, then later he misfired after working
into a sweet position; Thus, summed up the CL campaign in its
entirety...
HAKUNA HATATE - 6/10
Unusually careless on a few occasions for a man of his rep.
Industry and intent were there but daft risks got taken with
failed flicks and tricks, and it appeared Reo hadn't kept the
fact he was one of only two midfielders at the forefront of
his mind; no cover for errors, no mercy from an opponent
designed to spring.
He was still a better option to see out the 90 than his
replacement, with a spectacular goal or two in those boots.
But his yellow may have swayed that call.
HACKY SACK - 6/10
What a damn shame we didn't utilise his quality better.
As he found space in the opening Celtic retorts, everything
channelled through him looked dangerous. Topped it with a
splendid ball to lay a header on a plate for Kyogo.
But beyond the pies and irn bru they cut him off and our
tired limbs couldn't find him in space and he was starved
and then shamed by being hooked for Eddie T....
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6.5/10
Daizen was easily and honourably our best Eastern star. A
classic Maeda madness moment featuring a cross that flew like
one of Alfie's punctured sex dolls had the stands up in arms,
but that aside he was keen as ever and tormenting them on the
left with that pace and no end of decent nicks and touches.
Very unlucky with his head twice and more conviction on a
half-volley might have turned the game our way. Much-maligned
recently, tonight he was worthy of his jersey.
MR.KOBAYASHI - 5/10
The movement was there, and as ever the committment, but
the flashes of Kyogo the Gojira of Japanese mythos were a
poor replica of the true legend - deadly as a bloke in a rubber
monster suit instead of the potent force of nature that smites
enemies in a storm of destrutive glory. It's too late now to
save Japan...
ABADASS - 4/10
In he came for big moments, and off he went with his only
one - crucnched out of a game he'd struggled to get into.
SUBS -
SON OF JACKIE - 6/10
The presence we needed. The missed sitters we didn't. Even Greek
ghods don't seem immune to the Celtic profligacy disease though
those clowns in the VAR circus tent should have pinned a pen on
his second opportunity and thwarted header.
MOOEY - 5.5/10
Well, he did not bad, despite not exactly the fit for a match
of such pace and intensity, setting up Daizen with a fine run
and interaction. But he's not the man to win the game, more the
caretaker to see it out and when he appeared I'd have taken the
0-0 right then, given who he was in tandem with...
EDDIE TURNBULL - 4/10
Man, soon as the zimmer got chained up beside the dugout I felt
the Reaper tap our CL hopes on the shoulder as well as Eddie.
Simply not the guy to look to for an uplift against the likes of
Leipzig. Not possessing of the pace nor the energy levels to catch
the flow of such a game. He was going to struggle to make any
impact, impotent as Allan McGregor at a nunnery, unless we
attained some kind of dangerous set-piece. We didn't.
JAMESY - 5.5/10
The sight of Jamesy blowing a sigh of relief on the touchline as
he remembered to tuck before he came on lightened the intensity.
Question was, could he repeat past glories? Well, naw, but almost
on a few bursts; suffered a bit like Hacky Sack with lack of decent
service though tried to get himself involved as much as possible.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - N/A
Promising kid with the Perth glory fresh in his mind might have
been a better option earlier than some others...
ANITA DOBSON - 6.5/10
Still glowing from Saturday's barbie-kickstarting glory in the
countryside sunshine, he smashed down a six pack of Kanga-Kick
energy drink for the inspiration to conquer Red Bull. And...
...Decided to go full-Mowbray again. With no Calmac, or Jota.
At the Germans. Top Germans. Much better Germans than the
Huns scared out of the Europa with sheer ugliness; This was a
side and coach tuned for Angeball's venom and they managed
to take the sting out of it. At first.
To his credit that incessant, unrelenting philosophy had its
time in the game, and he might have expected to profit from
it.
But when the stalemate became unbearable and legs quivered
and his moment of tinkering came...Well, today I felt Ange tried
to stick rather than twist.
On came two midfielders of single-pace. Big Twist was left on
the bench; who'd shown up well last week, who displayed speed
of pass, intent, and physical presence at the weekend... And young
Maradona, on a wave of confidence, looking to make an impact.
Nope, this time the gamble was to not gamble, and away the game
slipped from us. For once, you stopped, Ange.
OVERALL - 6.5/10
The sheer teeth-grinding intensity of these contests is sore on
the eyeballs. The anguish of not drawing first blood and feeling
that surge of victorious adrenalin is gut-wrenching. Also, almost
always insurmountable.
As with tonight. The desperation for scoring first all but dissipated
into a mesmerising dream-state as Celtic created chances number
345, 346 and 347 (thousand...) of this CL lark and spunked every one
of them away like some decadent French renaissance courtier spitting
out grapes and debutantes' pubes. Again.
In your imaginings of how this CL might play out, never did the
sheer volume of chances we have created manifest; Perhaps one or
two a game and hopefully snatch something from those exciting
explosive moments...
But here we are, romping about the CL like hyperacive ADD toddlers
rattling around a nursery school brandishing scissors, but somehow -
to the oppositions' great relief - unable to inflict any cuts.
Tonight we came off the ropes and took the game right to them
and fazed them quite a bit. However, just as we were chiselling
another historical monolith to expansive and gallus hooped endeavour
our weakness became apparent once more - the lack of real CL-level
quality in-depth, and their additions put the match beyond us.
For all that, the Bhoys provided an enjoyment level beyond any we'd
get attempting pragmatism at this level of the game. We're throwing
plenty punches but just not landing any that count and we're not
capable yet of going the distance.
Yet, I much prefer our dogfights to the insipid damage-control
practiced across the city; you'll learn nothing and inhibit progress
if you don't give it the Celtic go.
And we'll get another shot...
The CL is done but when Madrid finally got the fucking finger out
they left us the tantalising opportunity to take Shaktar at home
next game then go to Madrid in search of a point that might give
us Europa football if Leipzig tank Shaktar last game.
You know what to do Bhoys...
Go Away Now
Sandman
'Red Bull gives you wings. Ange now needs wingers.
Loads of them.'
- Red Bull altered marketing from last week.
ROXIE - 8/10
Big Joe's boot! Big Joe's baws! Big Joe's left paw!
Did about all he could muster to make up for his
German club-foot disaster. Marvellous solid keeping,
but ultimately exposed by a tiring defence and
helpless at their goals.
GREGGS THE BAKER - 7.5/10
Another CL test, another CL badge of honour for the
man least likely. Perfect example of focus and
channelled endeavour.
Played the first-half of his life and might have
planked in an historic opener but for sclaffing
it into the ground and onto the bar; hoping the Huns
might finally pay out on their crossbar challenge.
His intensity level faded after the interval, as did
many, and a few gaffs crept in. But take nothing away
from his value to the team, particularly against this
level of opposition, where he finds ability to go beyond
his assumed limitations and give us a new dimension when
least expected.
BIG MERCEDES - 7/10
After last week, he had it nailed, mostly... Addressed
his positional traumas from the start tonight, finding
the correct balance between committment and cover early.
That manifested in some terrfic stops and blocks and with
CCV beside him, it looked for a while that they might not
find a way through.
GET CARTER - 7.5/10
Like Jenz, this big mhan showed what we'd missed with a
sterling, competent peformance up agianst top class pace
and guile. Kept himself mentally one step ahead and made
every knife-edge moment his. As with Joe, no blame laid
at his doorstep for their goals - just the result of runners
cutting past tired legs. Plus, he's too fucking big to
point the finger at...
JURAN JURAN - 6.5/10
On nights like these we get that electrifying turn of pace
showcased to remind us why he's the Croats first choice for the
World Cup. We also get reminded that he might just give us
a little extra at particular moments when the pressure's on;
Didn't quite have the final ball delivery at pivotal times.
Caught in ball-watching indecision instead of clearing it
out before their killer goal, but looked spent by then.
THE BUILDER - 8.5/10 MOTM
Tremendous shift from the handsomest young viking in Glasgow.
He had to dig deep and dig fast to keep our two-man midfield
presence alive.
Looked swamped first half-hour but those quality feet got to
work and he grew into the game, tackling, drifting with fluid
intelligence so he was never too far from an attack or to cover
their counter. Deserved to cap his night with a goal but the
damned post foiled him, then later he misfired after working
into a sweet position; Thus, summed up the CL campaign in its
entirety...
HAKUNA HATATE - 6/10
Unusually careless on a few occasions for a man of his rep.
Industry and intent were there but daft risks got taken with
failed flicks and tricks, and it appeared Reo hadn't kept the
fact he was one of only two midfielders at the forefront of
his mind; no cover for errors, no mercy from an opponent
designed to spring.
He was still a better option to see out the 90 than his
replacement, with a spectacular goal or two in those boots.
But his yellow may have swayed that call.
HACKY SACK - 6/10
What a damn shame we didn't utilise his quality better.
As he found space in the opening Celtic retorts, everything
channelled through him looked dangerous. Topped it with a
splendid ball to lay a header on a plate for Kyogo.
But beyond the pies and irn bru they cut him off and our
tired limbs couldn't find him in space and he was starved
and then shamed by being hooked for Eddie T....
LORD KATSUMOTO - 6.5/10
Daizen was easily and honourably our best Eastern star. A
classic Maeda madness moment featuring a cross that flew like
one of Alfie's punctured sex dolls had the stands up in arms,
but that aside he was keen as ever and tormenting them on the
left with that pace and no end of decent nicks and touches.
Very unlucky with his head twice and more conviction on a
half-volley might have turned the game our way. Much-maligned
recently, tonight he was worthy of his jersey.
MR.KOBAYASHI - 5/10
The movement was there, and as ever the committment, but
the flashes of Kyogo the Gojira of Japanese mythos were a
poor replica of the true legend - deadly as a bloke in a rubber
monster suit instead of the potent force of nature that smites
enemies in a storm of destrutive glory. It's too late now to
save Japan...
ABADASS - 4/10
In he came for big moments, and off he went with his only
one - crucnched out of a game he'd struggled to get into.
SUBS -
SON OF JACKIE - 6/10
The presence we needed. The missed sitters we didn't. Even Greek
ghods don't seem immune to the Celtic profligacy disease though
those clowns in the VAR circus tent should have pinned a pen on
his second opportunity and thwarted header.
MOOEY - 5.5/10
Well, he did not bad, despite not exactly the fit for a match
of such pace and intensity, setting up Daizen with a fine run
and interaction. But he's not the man to win the game, more the
caretaker to see it out and when he appeared I'd have taken the
0-0 right then, given who he was in tandem with...
EDDIE TURNBULL - 4/10
Man, soon as the zimmer got chained up beside the dugout I felt
the Reaper tap our CL hopes on the shoulder as well as Eddie.
Simply not the guy to look to for an uplift against the likes of
Leipzig. Not possessing of the pace nor the energy levels to catch
the flow of such a game. He was going to struggle to make any
impact, impotent as Allan McGregor at a nunnery, unless we
attained some kind of dangerous set-piece. We didn't.
JAMESY - 5.5/10
The sight of Jamesy blowing a sigh of relief on the touchline as
he remembered to tuck before he came on lightened the intensity.
Question was, could he repeat past glories? Well, naw, but almost
on a few bursts; suffered a bit like Hacky Sack with lack of decent
service though tried to get himself involved as much as possible.
DIEGO ARMANDO MARADONA - N/A
Promising kid with the Perth glory fresh in his mind might have
been a better option earlier than some others...
ANITA DOBSON - 6.5/10
Still glowing from Saturday's barbie-kickstarting glory in the
countryside sunshine, he smashed down a six pack of Kanga-Kick
energy drink for the inspiration to conquer Red Bull. And...
...Decided to go full-Mowbray again. With no Calmac, or Jota.
At the Germans. Top Germans. Much better Germans than the
Huns scared out of the Europa with sheer ugliness; This was a
side and coach tuned for Angeball's venom and they managed
to take the sting out of it. At first.
To his credit that incessant, unrelenting philosophy had its
time in the game, and he might have expected to profit from
it.
But when the stalemate became unbearable and legs quivered
and his moment of tinkering came...Well, today I felt Ange tried
to stick rather than twist.
On came two midfielders of single-pace. Big Twist was left on
the bench; who'd shown up well last week, who displayed speed
of pass, intent, and physical presence at the weekend... And young
Maradona, on a wave of confidence, looking to make an impact.
Nope, this time the gamble was to not gamble, and away the game
slipped from us. For once, you stopped, Ange.
OVERALL - 6.5/10
The sheer teeth-grinding intensity of these contests is sore on
the eyeballs. The anguish of not drawing first blood and feeling
that surge of victorious adrenalin is gut-wrenching. Also, almost
always insurmountable.
As with tonight. The desperation for scoring first all but dissipated
into a mesmerising dream-state as Celtic created chances number
345, 346 and 347 (thousand...) of this CL lark and spunked every one
of them away like some decadent French renaissance courtier spitting
out grapes and debutantes' pubes. Again.
In your imaginings of how this CL might play out, never did the
sheer volume of chances we have created manifest; Perhaps one or
two a game and hopefully snatch something from those exciting
explosive moments...
But here we are, romping about the CL like hyperacive ADD toddlers
rattling around a nursery school brandishing scissors, but somehow -
to the oppositions' great relief - unable to inflict any cuts.
Tonight we came off the ropes and took the game right to them
and fazed them quite a bit. However, just as we were chiselling
another historical monolith to expansive and gallus hooped endeavour
our weakness became apparent once more - the lack of real CL-level
quality in-depth, and their additions put the match beyond us.
For all that, the Bhoys provided an enjoyment level beyond any we'd
get attempting pragmatism at this level of the game. We're throwing
plenty punches but just not landing any that count and we're not
capable yet of going the distance.
Yet, I much prefer our dogfights to the insipid damage-control
practiced across the city; you'll learn nothing and inhibit progress
if you don't give it the Celtic go.
And we'll get another shot...
The CL is done but when Madrid finally got the fucking finger out
they left us the tantalising opportunity to take Shaktar at home
next game then go to Madrid in search of a point that might give
us Europa football if Leipzig tank Shaktar last game.
You know what to do Bhoys...
Go Away Now
Sandman
