Sandman
Well-known member
PART 2 (Cont.)
CALMAC - 8/10
He's like a magic wee leprechaun who pops up to grant yer wish just when you're thinking about sacrificing yer daughter's rabbit to Satan for the cause.
Anyway, the wee mhan scudded in a daisy-cutter to save the ratlting nerve-endings and also Bugs's short life. Remember kids- a rabbit's not just for Christmas; it'll do a neat stew near the end of January when the budget's tight and the Hoops need some voodoo.
Another astronomical metronomical performance from our midfield conductor. The only black spot on the night - the St.John's paramedic in nets keeping his second out with the edge of his hand. A great save. A bastard too; some of us had stuck £2.50 on a Calmac double at 28/1. Where's that fucking bunny...
FORREST - 7/10
All busy, all effort, all running up cul-de-sacs; don't ask Jamesy to be your getaway driver. Diversion maybe, what with the boaby-waving fetish thing...
But I digress - our lethal all-action pistoneer is not getting the breaks or luck at the moment. He's more stop-start than fluid momentum. But he's working for it and it'll come again; I predict a late-season scoring rampage.
CHRISTIE - 7.5/10
A shambolic first-half; couldn't get a corner past the first man, daft wee flicks in the midfield not coming off, booke dfor an impromptu Morelos impersonation to alleviate the tension.... he had a narrow free-kick effort close enough but overall his performance was lookign dire.
Then, after a half-time massage from Lola, the Celtic Park busty blonde, long-legged Swedish comedic sterotype masseuse who lubes up her hands while looking at you coyly with big needy eyes and a salacious smile, everything came together; fnarr-fnarr. He had the damaging runs spot-on, the passing incisive, the touch sublime;
scored a beauty after a terrific bit of skill and turn.
Thank you, Lola. You may undo another button on your low-cut white tunic for young Ryan's 'Sunday Shuffle'...
SINCY - 6.5/10
Not on it, ultimately. Singled-out for close attention and we were unable to create enough space for him due to a slow-tempo first 20 minutes. Must say, his own grandad at right back for them marshalled Sincy really well, aided many a time by doubling-up and offering zero space.
But still Sonic buzzed at them, nearly scored a header but for a brilliant save. He's not quitting now; he's going at them, no hiding. We need to maximise his silky skills when he's in the mood, however, which probably means shifting the ball out there a hell of a lot quicker and giving him somethign to work with before he's closed down.
BURKE - 6/10
The big bodysnatcher worked his socks off but found no joy. Should have been less of a greedy bastard when he broke clear and used sincy or Calmac but went for it himself. Put in a shift, though, so I'm not griping about a wasted jersey. Yet. He offers us a presence, but just how much use that will be given Eddy back and
Timo's flying pace and Bayo who'll be sniffing for a place... Well, do we continue to train up WBA's player for them or go with our own?
SUBS:
FRENCH EDDY - 7/10
Ominous signs for the rest of the SPL as he produced a Boxing-Day-Pittodrie-esque cameo, twisting and slaloming about the palce, almost scoring but for the frustrating acrobat between the sticks.
WEAH - 6/10
Reminds me of a firework that didn't go off, but you know there's going to be an explosion at some point. This Rapier Kid will tear it up when he gets his rhythm properly. His dad's the president of a library, dontcha know? Anyone want to borrow out Harry Potter? See Timo.
BITTON - 6/10
So Nir, so far... So far so good, as our Lanky-But-Not-Tom-Rogic Israeli continues his comeback. He's definitely got the class and guile to fit in across our mid, a very useful option for taking control in there. He excels in looking both at ease and sharp; a combination I spent years trying to master when hanging about bars and clubs.
BR - 8/10
Another one bites the dust. And the tricky extra game in hand is successfully negotiated against the side with the best away record in the league. To date. Not anymore. I don't think. I'm not a statistician for fuck's sake, pedants - I just threw that in for emphasis and to make me look learned... Go ask someone who knows what they're doing. Go ask Celtic By Numbers; he'll expertly fill you in on the facts
)
I'm just a rambling jester, here to amuse and annoy you like some sort of voice of your consciousness that upsets your concentration at the most inopportune times with a quip or two you'll recall while trying to do something serious and worthwhile in your working/social lives and your noble train of thought will be totally derailed by the nagging 'Sandman' recall....
Anyway, after careful analysis over 4.5 pints, it was concluded that BR got everything right on the night - he tweaked the tempo just as our jaded opening wasn't producing results. He got the Hoops switching it, shifting feet and clipping passes with a verve that had St.johnstone frantically trying to hold their shape. They failed, retreated
into a defensive block in their own box and we took advantage of the spaces that opened up - Christie's goal the example of how our movement and rotation pulled them open just enough.
Now the boss must learn a new card trick for the awkward second date on Sunday; unless he's already got one up his sleeve and we'll again be 'pumping in Perth'. (see what I did there, infrequent Tinder users; second dates. Whit's that eh?)
OVERALL - 8.5/10
Eventually got what a fine display merited. Still on the cards for us to finish off a few games in the run-in BEFORE half-time; enough of this slow-start nonsense - somebody's due an utter savaging when our chances created start to produce the right dividends in the returns column.
TEMPO is the key to modern footballing success. TEMPO - how good teams beat us in Europe, and how We will win TEN in a row. You cannot match top players zipping the ball about at high tempo. Nobody in the SPL can match Celtic when the tempo is high. Our problem is we tend to get caught between a rock and a hard place - we seem to carry the illusion sometimes that controlling a game is knocking the ball about the back and having the opposition press. Like we thought we'd do at Mordor on Black 29th...
Nope. If we've learned anything from Barca and PSG it should be that controlling a game means slapping your opponents about like Gazza's missus (controversial 90s gag to test delicate sensitivities; "Ooh, Sandman, you're so tasteless/sexist/unsettling and now I'm all conflicted, nervously chuckling whilst wondering if I should...") early on and papping in a few goals. Then you can take your foot off the gas. You achieve that by starting at gretaer tempo than them., and seeing if they can live with you. Eventually their nervous energy dissipates and mistakes come.
Tonight we shook off some lethargy and applied the test from mid-first half onwards, and maintained the quality - they couldn't cope. It was the performance of Champions.
Easier written than done, but we have the ability in our squad to do just that consistently in the SPL. Here's hoping tempo becomes the by-word for our final 15 matches this season and we blitz our way to that TRIPLE REBEL TREBLE.
COYBIG
CALMAC - 8/10
He's like a magic wee leprechaun who pops up to grant yer wish just when you're thinking about sacrificing yer daughter's rabbit to Satan for the cause.
Anyway, the wee mhan scudded in a daisy-cutter to save the ratlting nerve-endings and also Bugs's short life. Remember kids- a rabbit's not just for Christmas; it'll do a neat stew near the end of January when the budget's tight and the Hoops need some voodoo.
Another astronomical metronomical performance from our midfield conductor. The only black spot on the night - the St.John's paramedic in nets keeping his second out with the edge of his hand. A great save. A bastard too; some of us had stuck £2.50 on a Calmac double at 28/1. Where's that fucking bunny...
FORREST - 7/10
All busy, all effort, all running up cul-de-sacs; don't ask Jamesy to be your getaway driver. Diversion maybe, what with the boaby-waving fetish thing...
But I digress - our lethal all-action pistoneer is not getting the breaks or luck at the moment. He's more stop-start than fluid momentum. But he's working for it and it'll come again; I predict a late-season scoring rampage.
CHRISTIE - 7.5/10
A shambolic first-half; couldn't get a corner past the first man, daft wee flicks in the midfield not coming off, booke dfor an impromptu Morelos impersonation to alleviate the tension.... he had a narrow free-kick effort close enough but overall his performance was lookign dire.
Then, after a half-time massage from Lola, the Celtic Park busty blonde, long-legged Swedish comedic sterotype masseuse who lubes up her hands while looking at you coyly with big needy eyes and a salacious smile, everything came together; fnarr-fnarr. He had the damaging runs spot-on, the passing incisive, the touch sublime;
scored a beauty after a terrific bit of skill and turn.
Thank you, Lola. You may undo another button on your low-cut white tunic for young Ryan's 'Sunday Shuffle'...
SINCY - 6.5/10
Not on it, ultimately. Singled-out for close attention and we were unable to create enough space for him due to a slow-tempo first 20 minutes. Must say, his own grandad at right back for them marshalled Sincy really well, aided many a time by doubling-up and offering zero space.
But still Sonic buzzed at them, nearly scored a header but for a brilliant save. He's not quitting now; he's going at them, no hiding. We need to maximise his silky skills when he's in the mood, however, which probably means shifting the ball out there a hell of a lot quicker and giving him somethign to work with before he's closed down.
BURKE - 6/10
The big bodysnatcher worked his socks off but found no joy. Should have been less of a greedy bastard when he broke clear and used sincy or Calmac but went for it himself. Put in a shift, though, so I'm not griping about a wasted jersey. Yet. He offers us a presence, but just how much use that will be given Eddy back and
Timo's flying pace and Bayo who'll be sniffing for a place... Well, do we continue to train up WBA's player for them or go with our own?
SUBS:
FRENCH EDDY - 7/10
Ominous signs for the rest of the SPL as he produced a Boxing-Day-Pittodrie-esque cameo, twisting and slaloming about the palce, almost scoring but for the frustrating acrobat between the sticks.
WEAH - 6/10
Reminds me of a firework that didn't go off, but you know there's going to be an explosion at some point. This Rapier Kid will tear it up when he gets his rhythm properly. His dad's the president of a library, dontcha know? Anyone want to borrow out Harry Potter? See Timo.
BITTON - 6/10
So Nir, so far... So far so good, as our Lanky-But-Not-Tom-Rogic Israeli continues his comeback. He's definitely got the class and guile to fit in across our mid, a very useful option for taking control in there. He excels in looking both at ease and sharp; a combination I spent years trying to master when hanging about bars and clubs.
BR - 8/10
Another one bites the dust. And the tricky extra game in hand is successfully negotiated against the side with the best away record in the league. To date. Not anymore. I don't think. I'm not a statistician for fuck's sake, pedants - I just threw that in for emphasis and to make me look learned... Go ask someone who knows what they're doing. Go ask Celtic By Numbers; he'll expertly fill you in on the facts
) I'm just a rambling jester, here to amuse and annoy you like some sort of voice of your consciousness that upsets your concentration at the most inopportune times with a quip or two you'll recall while trying to do something serious and worthwhile in your working/social lives and your noble train of thought will be totally derailed by the nagging 'Sandman' recall....
Anyway, after careful analysis over 4.5 pints, it was concluded that BR got everything right on the night - he tweaked the tempo just as our jaded opening wasn't producing results. He got the Hoops switching it, shifting feet and clipping passes with a verve that had St.johnstone frantically trying to hold their shape. They failed, retreated
into a defensive block in their own box and we took advantage of the spaces that opened up - Christie's goal the example of how our movement and rotation pulled them open just enough.
Now the boss must learn a new card trick for the awkward second date on Sunday; unless he's already got one up his sleeve and we'll again be 'pumping in Perth'. (see what I did there, infrequent Tinder users; second dates. Whit's that eh?)
OVERALL - 8.5/10
Eventually got what a fine display merited. Still on the cards for us to finish off a few games in the run-in BEFORE half-time; enough of this slow-start nonsense - somebody's due an utter savaging when our chances created start to produce the right dividends in the returns column.
TEMPO is the key to modern footballing success. TEMPO - how good teams beat us in Europe, and how We will win TEN in a row. You cannot match top players zipping the ball about at high tempo. Nobody in the SPL can match Celtic when the tempo is high. Our problem is we tend to get caught between a rock and a hard place - we seem to carry the illusion sometimes that controlling a game is knocking the ball about the back and having the opposition press. Like we thought we'd do at Mordor on Black 29th...
Nope. If we've learned anything from Barca and PSG it should be that controlling a game means slapping your opponents about like Gazza's missus (controversial 90s gag to test delicate sensitivities; "Ooh, Sandman, you're so tasteless/sexist/unsettling and now I'm all conflicted, nervously chuckling whilst wondering if I should...") early on and papping in a few goals. Then you can take your foot off the gas. You achieve that by starting at gretaer tempo than them., and seeing if they can live with you. Eventually their nervous energy dissipates and mistakes come.
Tonight we shook off some lethargy and applied the test from mid-first half onwards, and maintained the quality - they couldn't cope. It was the performance of Champions.
Easier written than done, but we have the ability in our squad to do just that consistently in the SPL. Here's hoping tempo becomes the by-word for our final 15 matches this season and we blitz our way to that TRIPLE REBEL TREBLE.
COYBIG
