SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v VILLAGE GREEN PRESERVATION SOCIETY

Sandman

Well-known member
SANDMAN'S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v VILLAGE GREEN PRESERVATION SOCIETY


"If you can dae it at Firhill, why no' dae it in Lisbon?"

- the inimitable Bertie Auld.



ROXIE - 6/10

The gal's got footwork... Injected some excitement into the
game during an early lull with comical suicidal wall-pass off
species-traitor O'Halloween which caused half the stadium to
convulse, the other to let out a wracked screech, and made me
giggle; not a fuck given as the ball scraped the post and he
pointed at somebody for being out of position.

Well, we wanted a character of a keeper who loves to get
involved. And we got one. Be careful what you wish for, kids...


TONY THE TIGER - 7/10

Fresh from almost winning the World Cup for Scotland, Tony put
in another tigerish performance, particularly in the second-half
as the tension rose. Competent, aggressive and won every vital
50-50. Bhoy's a streetfighting legend.



RAQUEL - 6.5/10

Took a troubling facial late on. But that's a long-forgotten
movie...

Tonight, she was knocked almost senseless by the wicked bent
elbow of Rylan's boyfriend. A red in most civilised countries
but a begrudged yellow in this fermenting bigoted cesspit.

Thing was he should have already been on a mandatory yellow
for daring to take the park on live TV sporting a bleached
quiff like some fucking poodle experiment of Dr.Moreau.

Prior to the sexual assault, Raquel had been at her combative
best up against brawny strawberry pickers. Solid, confident
match.



GET CARTER - 6.5/10

He's a unit of a lad, and he saw a lot of the ball. Unusually
so, as their twin banks of 5 pressed us relentlessly. But he
barely put a foot wrong, or misplaced a pass whilst coping
with their physical frontmen. Happy Thanksgiving, big fhella.
Enjoy yer three turkeys.



JURAN JURAN - 7.5/10

Just about MOTM. As the midfield struggled for rhythm he
stepped in and stepped-up to the task like a Balkan berserker.
Got himself involved more than any previous game, took
responsibility, popped up like a fluffer to keep us rampant,
covered like a pub band.

Definitely his finest display in the hoops and chose a
meaningful occassion to show his international class.



BLOCKCHAIN - 7/10

The lean, mean DM machine. Playing in his best position,
this was made for his clinical guile. Sadly for him, the two
mids ahead were obfuscated by blue shirts so he was limited
to maintaining possession and building side-to-side rather
than being able to use his incisive passing ability to create
much. But proved his overall worth to us yet again.



CALMAC - 6.5/10

Shackled but indefatigable. The skipper was dynamic without
being as effective as he can be. Lovely feet tikki-takkad about
but failed to find the killer ball or crucial space to damage
them.

Still, his relentless pursuit of footballing purity kept their
stoical scrimmage line occupied and limited their breakaways.



EDDIE TURNBULL - 5.5/10

Warming up for taking on the Huns with his beloved Hibs Famous
Five tomorrow. He'd better raise his game becasue after missing
a sitter today he disappeared into the ranks of countryside blue
where he toiled to find openings or even telling involvement
whatsoever.



ABADASS - 4/10

There's always a buzz about him, but where we expected a stinging
wasp we got a fat housefly bumping into windows time and time
again. He's young but must learn how to make an impact when marking's
tight and space very limited.




NOTEBOOK - 8/10 MOTM

Lit up the game like it was the 80s charts and got us all screaming
like Whamettes. On days like these, in the turgid realms of Scottish
fitba's wee team v big team heroic defensive cup-tie battles, the
football world needs a hero. Often a bloodied defender, or charmed
keeper as cup upsets go, but not tonight, Josephine.

We loooked to him like Princess Leia to Obi Wan Kenobi - he was our
only hope. And he delivered with yet another burst of electric,
kinetic energy to pounce on a loose ball and finally rattle their
defence enough to create the vital opening.

Omitted Resolutions from the AGM #666 -The Sandman Proposition:
'Put the moolah up for Jota, Bankier, or we'll Blood-Eagle you as
a sacrifice to the Old Gods.'



MR.KOBAYASHI - 6.5/10

Tricky and industrious. We awaited the big Koyogo moment that may
turn the match in our favour. But he hardly got a sniff despite
tireless movement and some scintillating touches as the Perthshire
agricultural labourers recreated internment camp conditions just
for him.





SUBS:

JAMESY - 7/10

Slapped it out and slapped it in! Watch the keeper throw himself
out the way of Jamesy's not-so-secret weapon as the winning strike
flashes (yup) past him.

An impact of highest (and lowest) quality as the bulging shorts
bulged the net and the celebrations left a dozen burds needing
stretchered out...



MCCARTHYISM - N/A

Wears his heart on his sleeve and put ours in our mouths as he
almost sold the jerseys with his first calamitous involvement.
But recovered towards competence.


THE YETI - N/A

'Dear Ghod, don't let them score if he's going to be our extra-time
hope...'


MAN OF... - N/A

Welcome back, small combative unit we'd like to see on before
McCartyhism...


MIKEY J - N/A

Mikey? Mikey? Lost him. May still be on the pitch.



ANITA DOBSON - 8/10

Whew, no illusions from Ange - he knew what he would be facing
today; the grind. Set up as expected and, well, hoped we'd get
ahead and open them up.

Again, that never transpired. So it was down to gratft and
intensity - Ange had his job cut out to maintain focus and some
sort of rhythm.

That's when you sense the bhoys on the park have faith in the
boss; nobody went rogue or off-message. The team stuck to the
philosophy. And with another win carved out, and a cup final
reached, so their faith in the Melbourne Messiah grows. Or maybe
he's from somewhere else; The Sydney Sultan. The Darwin Demi-Ghod.
Athenian Fen... Something like that...

Anyway, he wins out and his methods mute the critics for another
week. Risk is built-in to the Ange model. Even throwing on most of
the crowd as subs to run down the clock is part of the angst-inducing
brinkmanship he plays at.

Yet, there's a feeling of momentum behind him now and a movement
the singing people can believe in; he's caught the wave and we're
all clambering onto the board. Let's ride it.




MIBBERY - 5/10

Well, Littly Nicky tried his best. Managed to book Koyogo for
being fouled, then bummed. Had big Blockchain in the Mason's Journal
very early. But in the end, despite extrapolating the time-fabric
of the universe to find an extra minute on top of the six, he failed
to execute the will of The Architect and, ironically, will now find
himself being 'Abiff-ed' at the next ludge orgy.


OVERALL - 7/10

So, Scotland's two most successful teams of the past decade scrapped
it out.

In the end football won a glorious, frustrating victory, but semi-finals
are often crap; It's all about the result and getting to The Show.

We managed it on a grim day under louring skies, the fitting atmosphere
for a scrap in the outdated national dug's bowl. We tried to hit them
early, maintain tempo and bright, alert football.

But St.Johnstone are adept at pinning you to the ropes, hoping for a
sneaky punch, grappling like a tired, limited, slugger as Celtic tried
to box around them. It works well for them and no complaints - we knew
what we were up against. Eventually, much to the credit of this new squad,
our class found a gap and got the knockout in.

Now a pre-Christmas chance at glory against a Hibs side who'll open
up more and let us play with some verve. Trophy number one now within reach.
A fitting end to Bertie's week, honoured by the GB's amazing 67th minute tifo.

Dedicated to the memory of Bertie Auld, Lison Lion legend who once nearly
caused the dislocation of my neck on a double-take when he served me in
Baird's Bar as 'Green Onions' played on the jukebox and the packed faithful
shuffled as one to the cool rythm. Beautiful memory.

One thing I'll remember about him is the sheer relish in the man's voice when
he recounts the Jinky Lisbon tunnel story. One word in particular - 'Can
they PLAY?"

Here was somebody unfazed by reputations, appearance, bereft of anxiety any
normal human could expect in such heightened situations; no, Bertie was full
of relish, a burning desire to pit himself against these lofty opponents.

'Can they PLAY?'

You hear it every time. Go listen, go love. Fearless relish. The winning drive.
The beating Heart Of The Lions. RIP, wee mhan.


Go Away Now.

And Fock Thee diaz Brothers!


Sandman.
 

Spherical Planet

Well-known member
Beautiful words for Bertie, Sandman.

That's the mark of any great sportsman - ask the question of the opponent and see if they have the answers.

Celtic asked all the questions that night in Lisbon and Inter just didn't have the answers. For all the undoubted ability that the Lions had in spades, that talent still only accounts for 50% of what every great team requires to be victorious. The other 50% is made up of effort, desire, sheer will to win and most importantly - the confidence to go out and express yourself freely.

There would have been two or three of our Bould Bhoys having a moment in that tunnel prior to kick-off, but with the presence of Cesar, the unflappable calm of Faither, the aggression of Big Tam, the guile of Jinky and with the sheer and absolute confidence of Bertie - then any fears would have been dissipated without losing any of that raw energy and nerve that all successful sportsmen and women require.

And to sum that up, you described Bertie's approach to life perfectly, Sandman........he did everything with such RELISH.

If you can bottle that and market it wholesale, then the fortune one could amass would make Jeff Bezos' bank account look like chump change.

The man was a force of nature. He played with relish, won with relish, laughed, loved and lived with relish.

The game was forgettable last night. The lads done enough and didn't play badly, but it won't be on anyone's top-ten list of famous Celtic games; however - there were three standout moments that will mark this game in my memory forever:

The Bertie display prior to kick off
The Celtic Song at 10:30
That grinning face illuminated at 67

As a cynical older chap - that broke me in the best way possible. It was an outpouring for all that this horrible, horrible year has brought upon us. It was a purging of the soul and an opportunity to celebrate an extraordinary man and the other extraordinary men and women he has now joined.

Thank you for the words, Sandman
 

Spherical Planet

Well-known member
WC get on to The Sandman and tell him you're no putting up any match ratings until he starts doing the archive of historical Celtic classics.

Especially in international breaks, winter shutdowns and close season. That's when the ne'erdowells cause chaos on here. I try my best to control them, but one man alone cannot stem the tide of filth and absurdity that happens when there's no real football to stymie their unnatural urges.
 

Smelltheg-love

Well-known member
WC get on to The Sandman and tell him you're no putting up any match ratings until he starts doing the archive of historical Celtic classics.

Especially in international breaks, winter shutdowns and close season. That's when the ne'erdowells cause chaos on here. I try my best to control them, but one man alone cannot stem the tide of filth and absurdity that happens when there's no real football to stymie their unnatural urges.
Shut up ya 🥧 it’s everybody else 🤣

great idea by de bye

first game when ten men won the league
Was only 2 and never seen it since the bbc erm lost the tapes. 🤷‍♂️
 
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Winning Captains

Administrator
Staff member
Shut up ya pie 🥧

great idea by de bye

first game when ten men won the league
Was only 2 and never seen it since the bbc erm lost the tapes. 🤷‍♂️
I was in second year at school and was one of very few boys who was at the 4-2 game, still unbeaten by any game I’ve ever been to. People say the huddle started in the 90s but I can assure you that there were loads of circular huddles in the Jungle that night.
 

Brimcbhoy

Well-known member
The reverse pass/cross from Notebook was a thing of beauty. If Grealish or Foden had done it, it would have been on the 10 o'clock news and replayed at the start of Match of the Day till kingdom come.
Deserved a mention at least.
If we keep fannying around at the back, we're going to get punished.
If you think St Johnstone were negative at 0-0, imagine how they would have played had that O'Halloween scored and it had been 0-1.
 

Spherical Planet

Well-known member
Shut up ya 🥧 it’s everybody else 🤣

great idea by de bye

first game when ten men won the league
Was only 2 and never seen it since the bbc erm lost the tapes. 🤷‍♂️
There you go - away jumping to your conclusions and one can only conclude that that may infer a guilty conscience.

I was commenting on Shammy and Rose and the absolute nonsense that they two get up to when there's no football to distract their teeny-weeny female brains.

I have a theory on that and it all comes down to drink.

Science strongly suggests that the brain is impaired by exposure to alcohol. As we men have massive brains that spill out of our nose and ears in the form of hair - then we are more susceptible to the perils of drink.

In contrast, because the wummin' hae tiny brains (the size o' peas) they can tolerate alcohol far better than the ubermenschen and that's when they start the sneak attacks and distract us from the serious subject of football.

See pal.........I'm a critical thinker drinker. I don't spend all days in pubs for nothing. It's all for science and the progression of the species
 

The Shamrock

Well-known member
There you go - away jumping to your conclusions and one can only conclude that that may infer a guilty conscience.

I was commenting on Shammy and Rose and the absolute nonsense that they two get up to when there's no football to distract their teeny-weeny female brains.

I have a theory on that and it all comes down to drink.

Science strongly suggests that the brain is impaired by exposure to alcohol. As we men have massive brains that spill out of our nose and ears in the form of hair - then we are more susceptible to the perils of drink.

In contrast, because the wummin' hae tiny brains (the size o' peas) they can tolerate alcohol far better than the ubermenschen and that's when they start the sneak attacks and distract us from the serious subject of football.

See pal.........I'm a critical thinker drinker. I don't spend all days in pubs for nothing. It's all for science and the progression of the species
Ffs! 🙄
 

Smelltheg-love

Well-known member
There you go - away jumping to your conclusions and one can only conclude that that may infer a guilty conscience.

I was commenting on Shammy and Rose and the absolute nonsense that they two get up to when there's no football to distract their teeny-weeny female brains.

I have a theory on that and it all comes down to drink.

Science strongly suggests that the brain is impaired by exposure to alcohol. As we men have massive brains that spill out of our nose and ears in the form of hair - then we are more susceptible to the perils of drink.

In contrast, because the wummin' hae tiny brains (the size o' peas) they can tolerate alcohol far better than the ubermenschen and that's when they start the sneak attacks and distract us from the serious subject of football.

See pal.........I'm a critical thinker drinker. I don't spend all days in pubs for nothing. It's all for science and the progression of the species
Ahhhhhhhh so they don’t get hairy noses or ears 🤔
 

Spherical Planet

Well-known member
Naw we don't. Hair isn't a known conductor of brain cells unless you listen to a man that thinks he's a giant, round star in the sky.
There's that teeny-weeny brain thing again.

The Sun's a star, the moon's a satellite.......I'm a planet!!!

I sustain life (even if it is only crustaceans that bite the buggery oot my marbles). Stars only burn or freeze.
 

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