Way back in 1985, I was with Dundee United and we went to play in a U/15's tournament in the South of France.
About a month after the tournament, another boy (who went on to have a successful footballing career and is now managing one of the Fife clubs) and I were invited to return and play with Toulouse. They didn't have "s" signings like here, but you signed an affiliation contract.
We both got placed with a lovely family in Mazamet and unlike the stereotypical perception of French toilets, this family had what we thought were two chanties in the salle de bad. One for the adults and one for the bairns.
The second morning we were there, my fellow pilgrim started shouting through from the bathroom saying "ah cannae flush the wee lavvie".
When I went through, I thought he'd gave birth to a chocolate snake????
You needed a hacksaw to cut this baby up, but there was no flusher right enough.
The son of the family then came through and said "non, non.....voici la toilette, ca la bidet"
That was our first experience of a bidet, I think the family raised that jobbie as one of their own and now lives in a forest at the foot of the Pyrenees.