A story of Scottishness

In 1985 as a 28 year old I was working as one of two doctors in a mission hospital in Mzuzu , Northern Malawi. we cared for a population of approx 250,000. I was asked by the local MP to assemble an ex-patriot football team to take part at the local football stadium in a local celebration of Independence Day against a team of Born Frees. ie locals under 20 yrs born after Independence. I was told that we should turn up an hour before the game and that we would be given strips to wear. I managed to get a 6ft tall Highland Scots engineer to be my goalkeeper. Our team had a few Englishmen, Aussies, a Canadian and USA guys, a couple of guys from Norway and a Swede. No subs. None of us had played a game for at least a year. Only two of us had boots. Admission to the stadium was free for a match dubbed Malawi XI v World XI. Being so busy I just assumed we would turn up and kick the ball around against some friendly kids. I began to have some apprehension when the referee came into the dressing room to speak to me as the team captain. He was wearing an immaculate outfit emblazened with the FIFA logo. He was an official referee! And had two official linesmen. He told me that the 10,000 stadium was full but they would allow people to sit on the track that surrounded the pitch. I spoke to the guys. Who wants to be a defender, a midfielder or a striker? Who has actually ever played football before? We filed out to line up against our opposition who towered above us. It was a team assembled from the cream of the local army barracks. Super fit lean athletes built like tanks. We were being used as the foreign fodder to prove how amazing Malawi was compared with the World. The local MP was happy. We had not discussed tactics. I gathered the guys together and appointed two full backs and three tall central backs. I arranged four midfielders and one lone German forward. I had never seen a 5-4-1 formation before. I might have invented the concept of parking the bus. I explained that we could not outrun these guys. (do you want to read more?)
 
Fisiani said:
In 1985 as a 28 year old I was working as one of two doctors in a mission hospital in Mzuzu , Northern Malawi. we cared for a population of approx 250,000. I was asked by the local MP to assemble an ex-patriot football team to take part at the local football stadium in a local celebration of Independence Day against a team of Born Frees. ie locals under 20 yrs born after Independence. I was told that we should turn up an hour before the game and that we would be given strips to wear. I managed to get a 6ft tall Highland Scots engineer to be my goalkeeper. Our team had a few Englishmen, Aussies, a Canadian and USA guys, a couple of guys from Norway and a Swede. No subs. None of us had played a game for at least a year. Only two of us had boots. Admission to the stadium was free for a match dubbed Malawi XI v World XI. Being so busy I just assumed we would turn up and kick the ball around against some friendly kids. I began to have some apprehension when the referee came into the dressing room to speak to me as the team captain. He was wearing an immaculate outfit emblazened with the FIFA logo. He was an official referee! And had two official linesmen. He told me that the 10,000 stadium was full but they would allow people to sit on the track that surrounded the pitch. I spoke to the guys. Who wants to be a defender, a midfielder or a striker? Who has actually ever played football before? We filed out to line up against our opposition who towered above us. It was a team assembled from the cream of the local army barracks. Super fit lean athletes built like tanks. We were being used as the foreign fodder to prove how amazing Malawi was compared with the World. The local MP was happy. We had not discussed tactics. I gathered the guys together and appointed two full backs and three tall central backs. I arranged four midfielders and one lone German forward. I had never seen a 5-4-1 formation before. I might have invented the concept of parking the bus. I explained that we could not outrun these guys. (do you want to read more?)
Click to expand...

Final score?
 
OK. They kicked off and we funnelled back. My team had simple instructions. 1. They shall not pass. No one should be allowed to dribble past us. Hack them down. No 2. The ball should not be in our penalty box if possible. 3.The ball should be between the penalty box and the half way line. 4. When we get the ball lump it way up and let the speedy German do his best against two defenders. Our keeper performed like Fraser Forster against Barcelona. He saved over 20 shots taken from long range and was amazing. I told the other team captain that our goalkeeper was a professional. (i never said engineer) He nodded, very impressed. When I hacked down their best player the referee beckoned me with a wagging finger. 15,000 people all went 'OHHHHHHHH" He said "Doctor, this is friendly game and I do not want to send you off. Do not do that again. Now apologise." The frustration of the other team mounted and mounted and the crowd stated to cheer our goalkeeper's heroics. Did we win? No.
They scored the only goal with just a few minutes to go when we were on our last legs.
Everyone was happy though and we all shook hands. International football for the first ever time at Mzuzu stadium.
 
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Fisiani said:
OK. They kicked off and we funnelled back. My team had simple instructions. 1. They shall not pass. No one should be allowed to dribble past us. Hack them down. No 2. The ball should not be in our penalty box if possible. 3.The ball should be between the penalty box and the half way line. 4. When we get the ball lump it way up and let the speedy German do his best against two defenders. Our keeper performed like Fraser Forster against Barcelona. He saved over 20 shots taken from long range and was amazing. I told the other team captain that our goalkeeper was a professional. (i never said engineer) He nodded, very impressed. When I hacked down their best player the referee beckoned me with a wagging finger. 15,000 people all went 'OHHHHHHHH" He said "Doctor, this is friendly game and I do not want to send you off. Do not do that again. Now apologise." The frustration of the other team mounted and mounted and the crowd stated to cheer our goalkeeper's heroics. Did we win? No.
They scored the only goal with just a few minutes to go when we were on our last legs.
Everyone was happy though and we all shook hands. International football for the first ever time at Mzuzu stadium.
Click to expand...
Hi Fisiani also great post at first thought you we’re going for the How do you keep an Idiot in Suspense.
But great story always wondered who was to blame for the 5-4-1 formation ???
Seems it was you. ???

HH ?
 
Fisiani said:
In 1985 as a 28 year old I was working as one of two doctors in a mission hospital in Mzuzu , Northern Malawi. we cared for a population of approx 250,000. I was asked by the local MP to assemble an ex-patriot football team to take part at the local football stadium in a local celebration of Independence Day against a team of Born Frees. ie locals under 20 yrs born after Independence. I was told that we should turn up an hour before the game and that we would be given strips to wear. I managed to get a 6ft tall Highland Scots engineer to be my goalkeeper. Our team had a few Englishmen, Aussies, a Canadian and USA guys, a couple of guys from Norway and a Swede. No subs. None of us had played a game for at least a year. Only two of us had boots. Admission to the stadium was free for a match dubbed Malawi XI v World XI. Being so busy I just assumed we would turn up and kick the ball around against some friendly kids. I began to have some apprehension when the referee came into the dressing room to speak to me as the team captain. He was wearing an immaculate outfit emblazened with the FIFA logo. He was an official referee! And had two official linesmen. He told me that the 10,000 stadium was full but they would allow people to sit on the track that surrounded the pitch. I spoke to the guys. Who wants to be a defender, a midfielder or a striker? Who has actually ever played football before? We filed out to line up against our opposition who towered above us. It was a team assembled from the cream of the local army barracks. Super fit lean athletes built like tanks. We were being used as the foreign fodder to prove how amazing Malawi was compared with the World. The local MP was happy. We had not discussed tactics. I gathered the guys together and appointed two full backs and three tall central backs. I arranged four midfielders and one lone German forward. I had never seen a 5-4-1 formation before. I might have invented the concept of parking the bus. I explained that we could not outrun these guys. (do you want to read more?)
Click to expand...
Na yer awright ???
 
DILLIGAF said:
About twenty years ago, I knew a bunch of Scottish & English guys, who used to drink in one of our local pubs of an evening and unbeknownst to me, they played a scrimmage football game, once a week
One of the English guys (a cockney) was a barber, so I used to give him my custom & got to know him a wee bit
He mentioned said 'kickabout' and said "We play football every week, it's England v Scotland, You should come out and bring your boots"
I thanked him for the offer, but said "No thanks mate, appreciate it, but I hung up my boots years ago, but thanks anyway"(I was in my mid forties) but I had kept myself in good shape
Anyway, I decided to go along on the night of the 'game' to see what calibre of football we were talking about, if it was calm enough, I might be tempted to strap the boots on agan, just for the exercise
I knew from experience & playing 'over 30's' many years before, that there were too many guys out there, still trying to play, as if it's a World Cup and that's when others get injured...No thanks
So, I am watching and notice that all the players on one team, are wearing England strips, shorts, socks, shirts, the lot (thought it was just a bit of fun
The other team, comprised of a rag tag mix of older (than me) Scottish, Canadian & a host of others, were like the 'Alf Tupper (The tough of the track) Squad'
Some of whom had never played and were jjust out for a bit of exercise
So, I'm watching these 'Morris Dancers' (you know where this is going eh ?)
They played for about an hour and 'England' banged in goal after goal, each one heartily celebrated, as if it was the FA Cup Final, by these knobs...again...you can tell my temperature was rising at witnessing this
Had a beer at the end of the game and a kid who had scored about 5 goals spoke to me, he was on holiday and was in the youth set up at an Enlish pro club
So, next week, it's the same thing, I went along to watch and then...it happened...
The 'Cockney' who was shite at fitba, by the way, but figured that he was David Beckham against the opposition, walked across the field pre game and stuck a big England flag, in the centre circle
I said "OK boys, see you later, might bring my boots next week (I didn't stick around to watch as I couldn't be bothered with all the 'celebrations after each goal)
I shouted, "I might bring a couple of players out next if that's OK"
"Yeah sure, great..."
Following week, I show up with a couple of Scottish mates who played Junior back in the day,
In their late thirties, but still pretty fit
As well as I had brought a box of Navy blue t shirts, with Scotland on the front and 'My two favourite teams are Scotland...and whoever England is playing..." on the back
Handed them out to all the boys on our team
You could just feel the blood rising as they put them on ;-)
Wee team talk prior 'A la Braveheart'
The Canadians played hockey so didn't mind the rough stuff, they were told who to mark and I said..."Win the first tackle, go in hard, no prisoners..."
They were up for it
I said "The wee guy over there...he's mine" One big Jozo tackle and the boy never looked for the ball again ;P
It was a fun night, as we hammered them, they never got a sniff and over the next 7-8 weeks, we beat them every game
Some of their 'superstars' stopped coming out, wonder why ?
Their 'team' wouldn't even come for a beer to the pub afterwards GIRFUY
The Canadian boys loved it and said "Man, that was so good beating those bastards"
Ha Ha
The fire burns deep at times, especially when they're taking the piss and I will gladly watch England lose to anyone, at anything
Nice wee memory jog there
Mon the Scotland !!!
HH
Click to expand...
Nice story Dill, anyone but England (at anything)haha
 
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