Credit where it's due

[The Shamrock]

When I lived in Brockhampton in the Cotswolds a pheasant used to visit our garden, scary times....

Did you pluck it?

 

[Smelltheg-love]

Just wait till The Bash Street Kids hear wait you’re saying. Once Oor Wullie and Hen Broon are involved Im gonna have to let on I don’t know you. Fuck messing wi them. They are known to sodomise their victims before killing them. If they dinna get ya Desperate Dan will eat you in a cow pie (Coo Peh in informed circles). They were never coo pehs ‘twas always people pehs. A little known fact Desperate Dans surname is Lecter.

Ffs
When we were young we used to pelt the local alkies house with the eggs fir a chase
He would be livid and shout at us for 5 minutes from the first floor flat before coming out he close
We’d be calling him all sorts
Fuck knows what would have happened if he had caught one of us
Never happened though, he’d normally hit the deck after about 4 steps
Not just any steps
Each was a small step for mankind
Daft Cnut would walk by us next day sober
Alright lads
Fucking clueless

 

[Smelltheg-love]

Danibal the cannibal, Rich.

Joe Broon thought he wiz a hard cunt and wanted a square-go when he caught me up stoorie brae wie Daphne.

A' talk though.......meh first shite was harder and that was a skitter

Maw broon was the scariest
Looked like big mags Haney

 

[Espiritosanto]

Just wait till The Bash Street Kids hear wait you’re saying. Once Oor Wullie and Hen Broon are involved Im gonna have to let on I don’t know you. Fuck messing wi them. They are known to sodomise their victims before killing them. If they dinna get ya Desperate Dan will eat you in a cow pie (Coo Peh in informed circles). They were never coo pehs ‘twas always people pehs. A little known fact Desperate Dans surname is Lecter.

Read jim spence on Twitter he says”guy went into a bakers in Dundee asked for “‘‘twa hot pehs an yin way ingings!!..you can translate that Richybhoy.

 

[Hoopy427]

Did you pluck it?

I quite like pheasants but they are as dumb as fuck bless them, the only thing dumber than pheasants were the toffs who take trying to shoot them very seriously.
Every couple of weeks they'd turn up for a "shoot" 90 grand range rover, another 70 grand on a couple of vintage Purdey shotguns, another few grand on the necessary tweeds and Barbour accessories, another few hundred on a Harrods hamper, 10 grand to the little lady go shopping to keep her sweet (she was likely shagging the pool boy so don't worry about her)
So they've spunked the thick end of a quarter of a million quid to try and kill a very stupid bird.
They're all hooraying and Henrying being utterly objectionable and tragically their "shoots" usually ended in crushing disappointed, because some cunt (me) went out at night to the woods where the pheasants were kept penned in by an electric fence and disconnected the fence! Giving the daft birds plenty of time to escape to freedom (quite often our garden) then I'd get up nice and early before Hooray and Henry appeared and reconnect the fence, so they never worked out how these very stupid birds kept out smarting them.

 

[Espiritosanto]

Also said he played fit baw at Arbroath when he was a laddie it was that cold his nipples were like a spitfire pilots thumbs

 

[Bellshill bhoy]

Read jim spence on Twitter he says”guy went into a bakers in Dundee asked for “‘‘twa hot pehs an yin way ingings!!..you can translate that Richybhoy.

Two warm pies and an onion one as well

 

[Espiritosanto]

Well done,gold star in your jotter

 

[Hoopy427]

Maw broon was the scariest
Looked like big mags Haney

I used to know the Haney's when I was younger! One of her boys, think it was Harry, took rat poison one night thinking it would get him high! I met Mags a couple of days later and asked how Harry was doing. "Oh he's awright son he's on a life saving course "

I thought he was learning to swim!! Turns out she meant he was on life support at Stirling Royal Infirmary

 

[Richybhoy]

Read jim spence on Twitter he says”guy went into a bakers in Dundee asked for “‘‘twa hot pehs an yin way ingings!!..you can translate that Richybhoy.

In Dundee onions are called ingins. The word fried is pronounced Fred. So Fried Onions becomes Fred Ingins.
I told this before, when I lived in England me and my mate were working on building site in London. We were working with a guy who introduced himself as Fred. Quick as flash my mate said Fred? Fred what? Egg? I was fuckin doubled up but Fred just wisna getting it. He though we were mocking his bald head which made me laugh even more.
We worked wi guy called Big Baz as well. That made us laugh like fuck tae.

 

[DILLIGAF]

Decent pub mate ....am told its trendy i ll fit in well..

Here's a can't miss, Paisley pick up line...trust me on this

 

[Spherical Planet]

Ffs
When we were young we used to pelt the local alkies house with the eggs fir a chase
He would be livid and shout at us for 5 minutes from the first floor flat before coming out he close
We’d be calling him all sorts
Fuck knows what would have happened if he had caught one of us
Never happened though, he’d normally hit the deck after about 4 steps
Not just any steps
Each was a small step for mankind
Daft Cnut would walk by us next day sober
Alright lads
Fucking clueless

Hahahaha we had a fella we called Jakey Jock who used to walk efter you for miles. Mad bastart never so much as broke into a trot, but he was fuckin relentless.

He made Michael Myers look like Usain Bolt, but he would walk efter ye for miles and miles and hours and hours.

Same as your boy there though - all was forgiven the next day until the cycle repeated itself at night.

 

[The Shamrock]

I quite like pheasants but they are as dumb as fuck bless them, the only thing dumber than pheasants were the toffs who take trying to shoot them very seriously.
Every couple of weeks they'd turn up for a "shoot" 90 grand range rover, another 70 grand on a couple of vintage Purdey shotguns, another few grand on the necessary tweeds and Barbour accessories, another few hundred on a Harrods hamper, 10 grand to the little lady go shopping to keep her sweet (she was likely shagging the pool boy so don't worry about her)
So they've spunked the thick end of a quarter of a million quid to try and kill a very stupid bird.
They're all hooraying and Henrying being utterly objectionable and tragically their "shoots" usually ended in crushing disappointed, because some cunt (me) went out at night to the woods where the pheasants were kept penned in by an electric fence and disconnected the fence! Giving the daft birds plenty of time to escape to freedom (quite often our garden) then I'd get up nice and early before Hooray and Henry appeared and reconnect the fence, so they never worked out how these very stupid birds kept out smarting them.

 

[Spherical Planet]

In Dundee onions are called ingins. The word fried is pronounced Fred. So Fried Onions becomes Fred Ingins.
I told this before, when I lived in England me and my mate were working on building site in London. We were working with a guy who introduced himself as Fred. Quick as flash my mate said Fred? Fred what? Egg? I was fuckin doubled up but Fred just wisna getting it. He though we were mocking his bald head which made me laugh even more.
We worked wi guy called Big Baz as well. That made us laugh like fuck tae.

Hey Rich, did you ever hear aboot Ba'sack Jack that used to shoot the bairns wie his air rifle on the Lochee Road? He stayed in the ald hoosies above where the Dundee Runner shop was.

 

[The Shamrock]

Ba'sack Jack........................am buckled here.

 

[Espiritosanto]

Hey Rich, did you ever hear aboot Ba'sack Jack that used to shoot the bairns wie his air rifle on the Lochee Road? He stayed in the ald hoosies above where the Dundee Runner shop was.

Ba’sack jackscared to ask how he got that tab?

 

[Richybhoy]

Hey Rich, did you ever hear aboot Ba'sack Jack that used to shoot the bairns wie his air rifle on the Lochee Road? He stayed in the ald hoosies above where the Dundee Runner shop was.

Never heard o him SP. That’s a cracking name though Ba’sack Jack.

 

[Espiritosanto]

Ba’sack jackscared to ask how he got that tab?

“Shoot the bairns way his air rifle”you say that like it was normal

 

[The Shamrock]

“Shoot the bairns way his air rifle”you say that like it was normal

Probably passes for an everyday occurrence in Dundee, but it's just not cricket if you don't wait your turn.

 

[Espiritosanto]

Ma auld man used to say dundonians were unconscious comedians,,he worked up in Dundee and surrounding city’s way wm press doing gas conversions in the late seventies,when he was drunk which was every weekend he would talk like a dundonianfae the east end a glesga,,,crackpot...