the Immaculate Deception serialised on The Noise

“Wait for it. You won't believe it Penny. Give me a drumroll please!” Charlie theatrically drummed his hands on the table….” Ladies and gentlemen, I give you……. A certain ………William (Billy) ……….Murdoch!“

“You're joking surely! You’re now telling me Belinda was bonking her own brother-in law? Seriously, the deceased.”

“I kid you fucking not Penny. She was regularly fucking Billy and Billy was enjoying fucking her. Billy apparently told his best mate, a guy called Gerry Morrison down at the pub, The Churchill on Lambton Quay the whole story, how before Labour Day he was asked by Anna to help her sister Belinda out and do some painting and decorating at his sister-in-law’s place as he had plenty of free time. Gerry will happily testify to all of this in court my contact tells me. Now Billy is meant to have a bad back and supposedly unable to do much work because of it but that’s a fiction to get a benefit to supplement his income from gambling. His bad back never ever stopped him from having sex though. He can do some work and as you know he was also a bookmaker as well. Penny nodded.

“Well, let me cut to the chase, Billy rang Belinda's doorbell early on a Saturday expecting to spend the morning fully expecting to be doing some painting and decorating at her house as a favour for his sister in law and Belinda came and she opened the door to him. Wow! What a sight he beheld. Belinda appeared at her door and was wearing an expensive silky light blue negligee and an inviting smile. The negligee was loosely tied around her waist and as she opened the door further to let Billy in, the cord on her negligee ‘accidentally’ slipped and the negligee became completely open at the front and Billy got a right eyeful of her. Belinda of course had absolutely nothing on underneath it. She was totally stark naked. Brazilian waxed. She’s got a great body and fabulous tits and Billy after all was only a man. He did have fucking eyes that worked. She apparently never tried to cover herself up even for a moment like it was some sort of an accident but beckoned him in seductively as only she can and she slowly let the dressing gown fall off her shoulders to the ground and according to what he told Gerry in the pub her meaning at that precise moment about what she expected to happen next …..was absolutely fucking crystal clear.”

“He must have been astonished.”

“Astonished? He must have been totally gobsmacked. His gob has presumably never been so smacked before. Billy, who was taken by complete surprise by what he saw offered on display for him probably hesitated, I dunno......for how long........ a millisecond or two.... before probably getting the biggest and most massive hard-on of his life that was begging to be released and sucked dry. Belinda stepped forward and kissed Billy on the lips and according to him she stuck her tongue way inside his mouth virtually tickling his tonsils. Well, he walked through the door to do the business of course. There was no other option open to him once he automatically opened his mouth to her probing tongue and let her tongue go in. That was like giving her the green light. He probably thought in that instant decision no one would ever even know about what was going to happen. Belinda was coming on to him and apparently, he wasn’t getting much action at home with Anna. He was a bit like a starving man being offered a banquet. He thought it would be a one-off sensational shag with his gorgeous sister-in-law, whom he had always fancied I take it, and presumably fantasized about, given he was a totally straight guy and totally into women. Fuck me, the stupid bastard thought he could easily get away with it. That the fucking could be kept a secret. If he even ever for a moment even thought about it. Having a bit on the side. What a total fuckwit. Like me with Sharon. Silly stupid buggers, the both of us. He thought it could be a one-off secret sexual encounter with her with no lasting consequences. A bit of unexpected secret fantasy fun for him. Like a sort of unexpected lucky birthday present fuck. Boy was he wrong. He had absolutely no chance. Belinda is so good in bed; she’s experienced and quite sexually insatiable. She makes you feel great as a man. Like a fucking king. Like a king fucking in fact. Everything you could ever desire sexually she will happily do to you and she will let you do to her. She will suck and swallow you totally dry if you want her to. She will do it to you, and she will take it any way you want. She is a total nympho. I swear to you Penny I believe sex with Belinda could even probably make a gay guy want to instantly turn straight.”

“I don’t think that-
 
Charlie butted in “Look, Billy rang the doorbell as an apparently happily married man and he took one look at her fabulous tits and twat on offer to him and his presumably longstanding sexual fantasy about her came true and about twenty minutes later with Belinda riding him hard till he was soft, well he had totally forgotten about all his hopes and dreams of a future with her sister the good girl Anna who wouldn’t even give him head apparently. Look you probably won't understand this Penny, but Belinda has this amazing effect on guys. When she wants to get you into her bed, she gets you. She almost drags you to her bed by your drooling tongue. She is the only woman to ever have seduced me. Seriously. She was only 21 at the time. I thought of course I was the one doing the seducing but boy I soon realised she was out to get me and get me she did. I proposed to her in less than a month. I’m a bit impulsive as you might have guessed. She had Billy totally hooked from that moment on and had been bonking him regularly for weeks till about a month before he died. He shagged her when he was supposed to be out looking for work.”

“But surely.... “

“Look Penny, no guy I know could resist such an offer from Belinda. No one. It’s completely unthinkable. I’m convinced not even a gay guy could resist such an offer from her I bet you. A bonus cherry on the top of the ice cream of your choice. And certainly, there’s no guy I’ve ever met who can keep such an astonishing story secret from his best mate down at the pub. No fucking way Penny. It’s like getting your hole in one. No one would probably believe you though when you told them such an unbelievable story. They'd think you were making it up. It's like a complete fucking fantasy. Quite literally a fucking fantasy. It sounds, to be honest, to be more like the script of some cheap porn movie. Too bloody good a story to be true.”

“It sounds to me more like having a low EQ. Forgive me for thinking like a woman Charlie and not like some testosterone fuelled robot totally ruled by his gonads. I don’t understand this. Why couldn't Billy say no to Belinda when her robe opened? Why did he open his teeth and let her stick her tongue way down his throat? That was surely the Rubicon moment.”

“Christ, Penny, it's obvious you’re not a bloke.”

“How observant!”

“Look Penny. You must understand this. Billy had absolutely no chance from the moment he decided to take his fateful first step over her doorway. You cannot possibly say no when you get such an incredible offer, particularly without even trying for it. All laid out on a plate for you. It’s like finding Willie Wonka’s last golden ticket. The whole fucking chocolate factory is now yours for the taking. Mind you what he didn’t know is Belinda’s like one of those big fucking spiders. I don’t know what type they are I once saw on a TV nature documentary that turns around and devours her mate right after having sex with him. She gets her hooks into you and you never want to leave her even though you know deep inside you fucking should get the fuck out of Dodge. Even if staying on for that last orgasm to be squeezed out of your balls ultimately ends up fucking killing you. Even if you come and then you have to go.”

“Dreadfully mixed metaphors but do go on”.

“I also heard from my mate Belinda recently asked Billy to leave Anna to be with her, but he came to his senses one night and eventually refused her. Had a pang of conscience I suppose. I seriously don't know how he was able to resist her, I certainly wouldn’t have been able to. Belinda realised he would never leave Anna to be with her. He had used her or more likely she had used him. Billy apparently then made a fatal mistake. I do mean, made a fatal mistake, for I use that phrase in its most literal sense. He told Belinda he wanted to end it with her. Yep! That’s right. He turned her down. She apparently went ballistic at him. Shouting and screaming. Belinda, you remember, always gets what she wants. You don’t ever say no to our Belinda when she wants screwed. Not a good idea. What's the old saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"?

“Now that I can also believe.”
 
“You can get Gerry Morrison to tell you all of this stuff word for word. It’s what Billy told him at the pub the next night. if you don't believe me, here's Gerry’s phone number.” Charlie fished a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it over to Penny who glanced at the number and pocketed it.

“I’ve never seen that side to Belinda.”

“Well Penny I reckon Belinda has set out to get her ultimate revenge on the only two men in her life who have ever at any time rejected her by choosing to have sex with someone else instead of with her.” “But I still don’t understand. How did she possibly manage to use your voice on the phone message?”

“Well, she must have got my voice recorded in some way and made into that message to frame me as the evil manipulator and send me to prison for murder despite me being completely innocent. I don’t know precisely how she did it. I can’t believe she’s been bright enough and devious enough to plan this. She’s a real platinum blonde bimbo. I’ve got a nickname for her ever since we broke up. I call her Bottle…… because I reckon, she’s empty from the neck up……. but she certainly reads a lot of crime trash, Scandinavian stuff usually. Might have got the idea from something she read there. My lawyer tells me the call to Anna's phone has even been traced to a public phone box near the hotel where I was drinking the night it happened. Well I was fast asleep and almost certainly snoring my head off. Penny, I beg you. Can you get an audio forensic expert to analyse the recording of my voice and find out if it's some sort of a cut and paste job? Or persuade the police to get it checked out. An audio expert would probably know. I know it's not a genuine recording of me. I’ll happily pay whatever it costs to get it analysed, of course, if need be.”

“Have you told your lawyer any of this?”

“Of course, I bloody have Penny, I’ve tried but as I’ve said he won’t listen to me. That’s why I’m so desperate. He’s heard the voicemail and he thinks I’m a piece of shit. He's written me off. He doesn’t even want to defend me. I was getting nowhere with him. I was absolutely desperate.”

“That's not professional of him, if what you say is true.”

“Why do you think I called you? It was desperation. I’m amazed you came. Can you do something Penny? Please? Can you help me to prove I’ve been framed for a crime I did not commit? That’s surely not an unreasonable request from a totally innocent man.”

“This all sounds crazy and implausible, but after all is said and done you are merely asking me to contact someone in charge at the police station and ask them to arrange for someone to conduct a fairly standard forensic phone audio source investigation.”

“That’s all! I’m not asking you for anything else Penny.”

“O.K. I’ll see what I can do for you Charlie. I don’t have the phone any more of course but I'll speak to the detective in charge of the enquiry Tim Davidson, I'm sure he'll agree to getting it examined. I’d imagine they might have already done something like that surely. It’s the sort of basic forensic investigation I would demand as a defence lawyer from them but again it sounds like you don’t seem to have much of a defence lawyer. I probably might need to have to have something in writing from you to confirm to the police and also to your lawyer if need be I have your permission to get them to action this on your behalf if they have not done so. I’ll get Jess who’s now been appointed my new PA to come over later today with the documents.”

“I'll sign anything you want me to sign Penny.”

“I'll see what I can do. You asked for 5 minutes of my time and I have to say Charlie you’ve surprisingly used them well. Time will soon tell. Bye Charlie.”

Penny turned to leave.

“Penny”, shouted Charlie after her before she reached the door. Penny turned around and saw Charlie smiling.

“Penny, if you manage to hit the jackpot on this one, I can guarantee there’ll be a whole case of Laphroaig with your name on it from me for you as my grateful thanks to you I swear. We could drink in great celebration together. With or without any ice.”

And after Penny continued walking away and was well out of earshot of him, he quietly finished his sentence “or clothes.”

Penny left the prison and soon after she had obtained the necessary documentation from Charlie, she arranged to meet with Detective Tim Davidson down at Wellington Central Police Station. Tim was certainly surprised Penny was still involved in the Murdoch case now her client had been released but was quite agreeable to arranging a forensic analysis of the voicemail especially after Penny explained about her recent fascinating conversation with Charlie in the prison. Tim explained to Penny the paperwork for the audio analysis was already on his desk waiting to be signed off. He explained the police also wanted forensic evidence for the sake of the prosecution as much as the defence team would and they were hoping the audio expert on contract would be able to make a judgement on its authenticity fairly soon.

Tim said, “We’ve both listened to the voicemail and I think it’s safe to say the person saying those words is indeed clearly Dr Lambert. He has a fairly distinctive voice.”

Tim also confirmed to Penny that Charlie was quite correct about his lawyer’s lack of interest and professionalism and he had surprisingly not been pushing them to action this standard procedure.

Tim was shocked to hear about Billy’s sordid affair with Belinda, which was news to him, and was keen to speak with Gerry Morrison and confirm the lurid details if possible. Penny handed him Gerry’s phone number. Penny wondered if for story telling effect Charlie had greatly over egged the sex scenario with Billy and Belinda but even if it were a bit less dramatic than he had explained it would still be relevant as to possible motive.

Tim further explained the police force would be happy to pay for the cost of obtaining the forensic examination of the voicemail and when the results were available in a couple of days he would of course share the findings with Charlie’s lawyer and also confirmed he would also give a verbal report to Penny now she was acting pro bono on Charlie’s behalf.

 


Chapter Eleven

SAME INTERVIEW ROOM- 3 days later

Charlie again sat at the table but this time his heart was pounding. He took his pulse. 120 beats and regular. His resting pulse was usually 66. This was a sure sign of autonomic stress. He knew his adrenal glands were pumping out adrenaline now and his sympathetic nervous system was working up to full blown fight or flight mode. He wondered briefly how high his blood pressure would be at this moment had he been able to check it. This was his body in fight or flight reaction when there was no opportunity to fight nor to flight so thereby raising his pulse rate and blood pressure higher and higher. Visiting time again and his eyes were glued to the door and he strained to hear approaching footsteps. Heavy boots and the distinctive sound of high heels approached. His pulse rate went even higher.

The guard entered with Penny behind him.

“You've got your visitor again, Dr Lambert.”, and with a leering voice leaned over to Charlie and with a big grin called out “I reckon she must like you. Tough luck Doc.”

Charlie wished he could lash out and punch him in the face.

“Charlie Lambert, I’ve only got one thing and one thing only to say to you Sir ……………………... You owe me………………... a case of Laphroaig!”

“You mean you…?”

“You were right! You were totally right Charlie. The message has been analysed by an audio technician for the police. I’ve got the technician report from Detective Tim Davidson and came straight over here to tell you, God, what an incredibly sloppy job. Your voice on the message all the way through sure enough, but the audio forensics guy they found to do the analysis reckons he can prove it came from at least 16 different individual different sources due to the levels of background noise and the volume of your voice constantly changing a bit. A clumsy cut and paste job made into a voicemail. A bit like an audio ransom note but with audio clips rather than cut out words from magazines. If whoever made the recording they played down the phone had access to far better audio editing software, and they knew what they were doing and took a hell of a lot of time over making it you'd have been totally screwed Charlie. Like an audio photoshop fraud.”

“So, I was framed by Belinda. I bloody knew!”

“Again Charlie you are quite correct. Belinda framed you, I can also confirm that. Full marks. I passed your juicy information concerning Belinda and Billy to Tim Davidson of course. I told him Belinda and Billy had an affair. That surprised them. Quite incredible they knew nothing about it despite weeks of investigation. They knew he was a bookmaker, but not about the affair. They spoke with Gerry Morrison who confirmed what you told me and of course with two of Belinda’s close neighbours who confirmed they heard her screaming a death threat to Billy on the night he left her. The police hadn't investigated Belinda at all. They never even considered her for a moment to be involved. They were totally convinced by the evidence Anna was the only possible killer. They had complete tunnel vision once they found Anna’s fingerprints on the handle of the carving knife. Detective Tim Davidson was totally embarrassed when he gave me the audio forensic evidence news. He and the entire police force had assumed Mrs. Murdoch must have been some sort of great liar. He was extremely apologetic. They struggle to consider anyone else once they firm up on a suspect. And of course, all the evidence Mrs. Murdoch did kill Billy was correct. She did kill him. She was the one who stabbed him. They've recently searched Belinda’s house and they found a big pile of CD’s in a few boxes of your speech rehearsals and presentations for multiple conferences, several hundreds of them. You obviously have been busy, they were left over from your breakup and stashed away in her loft.”

“Her loft? Used to be my loft,” moaned Charlie “She got that house from me in the settlement.”

“On one CD for instance you say, “One way to kill time….” Well, she's cut out the word ‘kill’ from that speech and put it on the phone message. They found software to edit audio and even the entire completed phone message allegedly from you still on her laptop. She hadn’t even deleted the editing. How thick is she? No wonder you call her Bottle. Game set and match. Must have taken her absolutely ages to go through all the hundreds of CD’s she had. No wonder the message on the voicemail was quite short. You were right. Belinda set you up to take the blame and she used her sister to kill her ex-lover. I too never thought she was clever enough to work out such a devious twisted plan but she clearly wasn’t clever enough to cover her tracks. She must have been pissed the phone wasn’t found straight away. I bet she must have searched the house high and low. I don’t believe for a minute her accidental lost earring story. What a psycho…A true psychopath.”
 
“The bitch! The absolute bitch. I knew it was her. How devious. Penny I could kiss you.”

“Steady on, Casanova.”

“No, sorry, I didn’t mean kiss you. Well...... in all honesty, if truth be told, I must confess I wouldn’t mind kissing you. Not at all. You’re so gorgeous Penny. Those luscious lips of yours look so kissable. And of course, you know. Hell, though it would be bloody hard to stop at a kiss though. Sorry! Look I’m being completely ridiculous Penny, I know. The little head is completely overriding the big head once again. Sorry! Shit! My tongue is still reeling out every random thought without any editing. Look, putting all that stuff aside, what I'm trying to say Penny, in my own typical clumsy sort of way is how incredibly grateful I am to you for believing in me. You’ve certainly done far more for me in the last few days than my lawyer has done for me in the last two weeks. Amazing…You're… amazing.”

“You’re a charmer, Charlie Lambert. A charmer indeed but no thanks. No kiss or anything else of that nature desired from you, the case of Laphroig will certainly suffice as thanks. You must be absolutely delighted with this news. You’ll probably be out of here in no time.”

“Thank God.”

Penny slapped her hand to her forehead as if an amazing thunderclap of a thought had struck her. “Oh shit! Oh no. ………. I’ve had a horrible thought.”

“What? What thought?”, asked the mystified Charlie.

Penny hesitated, “Charlie … now look me right in the eye. ………. Be totally honest. Did you frame Belinda for murder?”

“Huh?”

“How do I know this whole voicemail thing isn't some giant double bluff with you almost having the perfect alibi with your clumsy but memorable hotel failure with the low-cut red dress blonde with the big tits.”

“What?”

“How do I know you didn’t make that doctored message and sneak out of the hotel to play the message from a nearby phone box. You could have planted the software and message on Belinda’s laptop and used me to get the police to do the audio analysis of the sloppy recording and to blame Belinda whilst you were back at your alibi hotel fucking snoring your head off with or without by your side the sleeping blonde with the big tits? “

“What the fu…? Seriously. Are you fucking mental Penny?”

“What if you were the one who made a message that was doctored from your multiple CDs and planted the CDs and software in Belinda’s house and computer and blamed Belinda. Have you conned me into pushing for the forensics test because your lazy lawyer couldn’t be bothered passing on the message? Shit! You could have used my gullibility to get off with murdering your bookie and framing your ex for murder.”

“Wow. That’s twisted. I'm totally gobsmacked! I can be devious and conniving sure I can, but not even I could come up with a cracker twist like that. I don't know what to say to you. I'm totally dumbfounded. I know you have a great imagination but seriously do you believe I could do something like that? That’s twisted.”

“Well? Did you? I don’t hear a denial.”

“Penny you must think I’m some sort of fantastic actor. Seriously, I’m not. I'm fucking useless at lying. Belinda could always see right through me if I tried to pull a fast one. I could never get away with lying to her. That’s how she caught me with my secretary at my office. I made up a story to her I was off to play golf with my mates. She saw me standing in front of the mirror carefully combing my hair before going out. Apparently, I've never combed my hair before going golfing with my mates. Why would I? She knew straight away I was meeting someone in a skirt behind her back.
 
“So the Sharon episode was totally unexpected? Sounds like you wanted to look your best. I wonder why?”

“Penny I can’t believe you’re saying this to me. You must believe me. Look me straight in the eyes and see the total honesty in them. I swear to you on my mother’s grave I had absolutely nothing to do with that message.”

“Hmmmm……My first thought ……Is you’re mother dead and in a grave?

“Of course she is Penny. Look, I suppose the police will be able to prove who made the message one way or another. I know it certainly wasn't me. ……Anyway, how could I even get into her house, I don’t have any keys to her place. I don’t have a clue where she keeps her laptop and what her log on password would be. How could I possibly do the dirty on her?

“I suppose the police will be able to tell.”

“C'mon I'm a charmer, with an eye for the ladies, I do freely admit, but I'm not devious.”

“I do believe you, Charlie. This case has been so confusing. It’s……Well you are an actor. You're a story teller. That's part of your job. I had this horrible sinking dreadful fear you'd tricked me and used me.”

“I swear to you, I haven't. I give you my word Penny. I’m astonished by this. You have to tell me you believe me.”

Penny nodded.

“Thanks for believing in me, Penny. That means a lot to me. I respect you.”

“You probably won’t be here too much longer.”

“I suppose a celebratory shag’s out of the question?”

“Seriously? You never stop trying to get me to have sex with you, do you? You're an addict. A bloody sex addict! You are Charlie. You ought to get some serious professional help. Not funny.”

“Well in my experience when a woman says No to me, she doesn’t always mean No as in never. That can often mean Not Yet. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

“I’m not sure the High Court would agree with that as a defence.”

“By the way you were telling me last time self-esteem only comes from mastery over adversity. Your comment has stuck in my mind ever since you first mentioned it. You presumably must have faced a hell of lot of adversity and mastered it I guess to be so self-confident. Can you tell me more?”

“Sure, I mention this to my patients sometimes. Some want me to give them increased self-esteem by using hypnosis. As if I could apply one or two coats of instant self-esteem like you would apply a coat of paint but via some sort of easy magical hypnosis. They don’t realise I cannot teach them to feel confident. They require hard work to achieve a sense of self-esteem. They must learn how to stand tall and face their adversity and triumph. It’s the only way to do so. They think hypnosis can magically give them higher self-esteem. I can certainly help them visualize success and imagine how specifically they will achieve their success. But it’s only by working to achieve their success step by careful step and hard work that raises their self-esteem. This process of developing self-esteem all begins in early childhood. I heard a story once; I have no idea if it’s true though or a made-up story. There was an architect who worked from home and his three-year-old daughter had a young friend visiting. They were in a corner of the room using crayons to make some pictures. The little girl took a picture she had drawn to her father and asked him what he thought. He glanced away from his work and almost in a reflex said, “It’s beautiful darling, fabulous.” The girl turned to her young friend and shook her head in despair, “See, I told you he likes scribbles.”

She knew her picture was not good at all and there was absolutely no effort. I can tell you his over-the-top praise of her scribble certainly did not raise her sense of self-esteem at all. Self-esteem begins in infancy. Say you are a baby lying on a rug and you look up and see a brightly coloured ball four feet away. You try to crawl towards the ball and so you put your head down and wriggle and look up. The ball is now 6 feet away. You are going backwards. Huh? You are confused. You put your head down and wriggle again and now you are 8 feet away. Babies tend to crawl backwards at first. They get intense frustration. Eventually they go back and back until they reach a wall. They soon learn how to crawl forwards by using their arms and legs. That is tiring, but they keep going forward. They get closer and closer and when the baby reaches out and holds the ball the look of triumph on their face is astonishing. That is mastery over adversity. Their self-esteem rises. But if on the other hand, you see the baby struggling to reach the ball and ‘helpfully’ roll the ball to the baby, there is absolutely no mastery over adversity achieved and no rise in self-esteem, therefore. The parent thinks the baby will be grateful for receiving the ball but the parent fails to realise the baby has lost the opportunity to gain a dose of genuine self-esteem. Watch a baby learn to walk by pulling themselves up a table leg and after gaining her balance take a step towards a nearby chair. She wobbles, wobbles and ……plops down on her well-padded bottom. She drags herself up the table leg again and has another go. Again, she wobbles and she falls. Eventually she pulls herself up once again and takes a few now successful steps and reaches the chair. Look at her face. She is ecstatic. She has mastered the adversity of walking. Penny I swear if ever I’m lucky enough to have a child with the woman of my dreams I’ll never help our child to do anything they can do for themselves. They will have to button up their coat once they learn how to. No matter how long it takes them. They will have to chop up potatoes with a sharp knife and even make simple dinner one night a week from the age of 3. They will have to put on their shoes. Sure, it will take forever and I suspect and there will be loads of tears and pleas for my help from them but when they eventually succeed because they must do so without my help, they will be jubilant and feeling triumphant. That’s the moment when I will give them a loving hug and congratulate them on their hard-earned achievement.”
 
“You’ll probably be regarded as a hard-hearted selfish bastard of a father by any bystander if you ever do anything like that in public, I can tell you.”

“I hope I would be able to take that public criticism of me given I would know their opinion is only an opinion, and my opinion of how to bring up a child is indeed correct and far better for the mental health of our child in the long run. Whenever we face a challenge, and we master it, our self-esteem rises. I’ve realised something. My playful and not serious suggestion of a celebratory shag was probably me seeing you as a challenge, an adversity for me to overcome. Cos at some level I know I’d like to get to know you a great deal better. In fact, as the song ambiguously says, ‘if I told you you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me’. That would certainly further raise my self-esteem. I’m fascinated and intrigued by you Penny. It’s not only your fabulous looks and great body. That’s a real bonus. It’s a hell of a lot more than that. It’s your intelligence. Your quickness of thought. Your humour. Your complexity. I realise now I respect you. You’re my equal. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever said that to a woman before. I suppose I now realise that’s because I’ve never respected any woman before. Never considered them my equal.”

Charlie paused as those profound words sunk in. “Wow, that’s a huge realization for me. I’ve said I’ve admired and adored them sure. Which was true. But respect I now realise respect trumps admired and even beats adored. Wow Penny I’m getting all philosophical here. It’s the stress of being here totally unjustly. My emotions here are so intensified. Stop me Penny before I start getting down on one knee to you. I’ll certainly deliver you a case of the best Laphroig I can find as promised ASAP.”

“Thanks for sharing, Charlie. You’ve certainly given me a lot to ponder. You seem to be a man who can get in touch with his feelings. I find that’s sadly an extremely rare commodity in most New Zealand men of any age.”

“Well anyway. Enough honesty. Forgive me yet again. Thanks heaps, Penny. You’ve saved my life.”

“I’ve got to go now Charlie. All the best. I hope they let you out of here today. They ought to.”

In saying so, Penny spun around and left.





 
Chapter Twelve

Wellington Central Police Station

Chief Inspector Mary Potts looked across her desk to Detective Tim Davidson. “Right Oh. Tim Now the Murdoch case …So, yet another unbelievable twist from the evidence of the audio guy a few hours ago. I’ve heard Dr Lambert was framed. Tell me the details.”

“It’s more twisted than a bloody corkscrew Chief. At first, I thought it was clear, Anna Murdoch for some unknown reason stabbed to death her husband and lay down and had a sleep. We arrested her. Tons of evidence against her. Slam dunk for guilty.

It now turns out she had no idea she was doing the stabbing because she heard a hypnotic phone message that made her the stabber and also develop amnesia. So, we arrested the hypnotist, one Dr Charlie Lambert the ex-husband of her younger sister, but he claimed he never made the call yet we could all hear it was clearly his voice. We arrested him of course. Evidence overwhelming against him. Another slam dunk guilty.

Now it turns out from the audio evidence we’ve received confirms he was framed by Mrs. Murdoch’s sister Belinda. She played his recorded voice in a way to make him seem guilty but all the words on the voicemail were cut and pasted from innocuous CD’s of some of his recorded speeches found at her place and the completed voicemail message was found on her laptop. As to motive Mr. Murdoch the deceased, we discovered had an affair with Belinda, but he wanted to end it with her and go back to his wife. Hell, as they say, hath no fury like a woman scorned. We have a couple of witnesses to hearing her threatening to kill him on the night he left her. We have now arrested Belinda Lambert. We’ve got a great deal of evidence to convict her. Yet another slam dunk guilty person.”

“What does Crown Law have to say?” asked Mary

“They say she has the means and the motive knowing her sister was easily hypnotized. She used the CDs in her loft to make the recording to convince her sister to kill her husband who turns out to have been her recent sexual conquest. Software and completed message were found on her laptop. She must be a vindictive psychopath to come up with such a cunning plan. Chief I’ve heard of some women being pissed off with a cheating husband but framing him for murder is certainly a first for me. Crown Law reckon it should be straightforward to get a guilty verdict on her from any jury. But here’s the weird part she still swears till she is blue in the face she had nothing to do with this. And like her sister she too and I kid you not, is believable in her denial.”

“Take this case the whole way Tim. The press guys are having a complete field day with this case. With three people now arrested for the same crime we are starting to look like we haven’t got a clue. I’m getting leaned on by the Chief Constable over this one. He wants someone found guilty and soon and get this off the front page soon as. The one I feel totes sorry for is of course poor Mrs. Murdoch who was totally brutally exploited and cruelly abused by her own sister. What an absolute bastard her sister must be. Mrs. Murdoch will need some professional mental health help for sure. I want you to investigate and get something arranged for her. Poor thing.”

“Or is there yet another possible twist of this corkscrew Chief?”

“There’s a baseball expression Tim that I know and really like, strike 1, strike 2, strike 3 and you are out. No more strikes left. No more twists. No more corkscrews thank you. A man is dead, and we have his killer locked up. A bizarre case this one, but we now have our killer for sure. Now gather all the evidence and get over to Crown Law soon as. No deals, no clemency. She gets no mercy from us. She is going away for a long time. The press guys will cream themselves when this twist comes out.
 
Hoopy427 said:
Tbh I think the book has some potential, if you change the one dimensional characters into people who could actually exist, get rid of the idiotic dialogue, remove all of the unnecessary descriptions, tone down the amount of erections, 5 or 6 boners would suffice, alter the humour so that it's actually humorous and change the author....I think it would be far less..... shite.
Click to expand...
1658999048234.png
 
Got to say Fis, you definitely get full marks for stamina ! You've taken a fair old, ( good natured, I hope ? ) battering from some of your fellow Noisers. Full disclosure here, I've only read snippets of your work, and so it would be wrong of me to critique it as a whole. So I'll leave my Melvyn Bragg hat on the hatstand for the moment. As something of an avid reader I thought I'd give it a go, even if only in appreciation of your significant efforts. So,obviously, I started at the beginning. In fairness I've also got to say it's definitely not the kind of book I would choose to read.
Anyway, straight from the off I struggled with it. I found it predictable, even slightly tedious. Really couldn't muster enough interest to carry on reading . Sorry, nothing personal in my comments. Just my honest opinion.
So much for the negative, ( for me ) reaction to your work. But you know what ? It's not all bad.
The plot is completely plausible, ( if, again, predictable ), and it's clear you've given a bit of thought to embroidering the story here and there. Even a song from our very own Scottish Bard gets a mention. Not the best I've read, but neither is it the worst. Again, full marks for effort and stamina mate. Improving with age ? Maybe.....a bit like Laphroaig
 
Hoopy427 said:
Tbh I think the book has some potential, if you change the one dimensional characters into people who could actually exist, get rid of the idiotic dialogue, remove all of the unnecessary descriptions, tone down the amount of erections, 5 or 6 boners would suffice, alter the humour so that it's actually humorous and change the author....I think it would be far less..... shite.
Click to expand...
If he done that he would be left with only three pages
 
Chapter Thirteen

Three days later

Penny’s office 5pm

Penny was again busy in her office typing up some documents on her laptop. Jess’s voice came over the intercom. “A Dr Charlie Lambert is here to see you and he's brought an interesting present for you I know you will like.”

“O.K. Send him in, Jess.”

A few moments later Charlie popped his head around the door widely grinning from ear to ear, holding aloft a bottle of Laphroaig triumphantly.

“Laphroaig for you as I promised I would. I always keep my word. The rest of the case is sitting beside Jess’s desk.”

“Congratulations Charlie. Thank you for the gesture. I hardly deserve it though. When did you get out of custody?”

“Two days ago. I still can’t believe it. I'm a free man!”

“And again, thank you for the gift of the whisky. You remembered. You kept your promise. You're indeed a man of your word.”

“Always Penny. My word is my bond. Besides, I owe you far more than merely a case of Scotch. I owe you my freedom, I owe you my life.”

Penny leaned down to her left and brought out two elegant whisky tumblers from a drawer in her desk. “It’s home time so why not open the bottle now? You can pour me two fingers please Charlie. Give me a few moments and I’ll save and close down these open files.” Penny began shutting her computer down.

Charlie made a large C shape with his thumb and index finger and thought, ‘Two fingers? She never said which two fingers though.’ The space he made with those two fingers was at least a four fingers measure! ‘Two fingers it is.’ He poured the same generous four finger measure for himself.

They raised and clinked their glasses “Cheers” said Charlie.

“Cheers, Wow Charlie, that's a big two fingers,” looking at the more than half filled whisky tumbler.

“Well of course, I am after all well-endowed.”

“So, you say. So, you say.”

Charlie leaned towards her and cheekily grinned, “And you know Penny, what women say about men who have big fingers.”

Penny smiled, leaned towards him and replied, “I do know.................they say they also have.................. big..........gloves.”

“Ohhhh Well done. You are more humorous and quick-witted Penny than any woman I’ve ever met before.”

Penny blushed and deliberately changed the subject off herself. “Do you like it?” she asked, pointing to the whisky.

Charlie took a sip. “Mmmmm. So smoky and peaty. Great lingering aftertaste as well. A real richness. I've never tasted a whisky anything like this before. Shit Penny, you do know your Scotch single malts.”

“I’ve grown up on the stuff. It’s easily Islay’s biggest export.”
 
“It's also got a real depth and afterglow down your throat. Quite different from the usual smooth Speyside malts I’ve always previously tended to drink.”

“I tend to say it’s simply the best.”

Charlie lifted up his left hand and started singing into an imaginary microphone, “Better than all the rest. ........Better than anyone else.” He stopped. “Shit Penny, I'm going all Tina Turner on you.”

“Whoah there tiger. Steady on.”

Charlie pensively looked at his whisky glass, “You know Penny, this whisky we’re drinking is first class, top shelf stuff. It's so like you therefore, First Class. The best. Simply the best as you indeed say. You know, that gives me an idea, and with your permission of course, I’d like to give you a nickname Penny if you would let me.”

“A nickname? For me? That’s a surprise. What possible nickname were you thinking of giving me Charlie?”

Charlie paused for moment, “I’d like to give you the nickname, 'Nobody'.”

“Nobody? Seriously? You seriously want to call me Nobody? ………I don’t understand. That's an incredibly cruel thing to say to anyone Charlie. That’s not funny at all. I’m surprised you could possibly say that to me. I can hardly believe you. Why would you want to be so gratuitously offensive to me?”

“Ah no, my dear. Au contraire. Don’t you know the old saying? Nobody's ......perfect.”

Penny groaned. “Cheesy as. Tell me Charlie does that way over the top chat up line ever work for you with some women?”

“Actually” replied Charlie with a huge grin, “you'd be surprised how often it does.”

“I’m surprised by their sheer gullibility to fall for such a ploy.”

“Well, it obviously does take women totally by surprise, like it did you, and quite predictably they go from feeling dreadfully insulted by me as you obviously did, to realising in only a matter of a few seconds later she was, in fact, being greatly complimented by me, in I freely admit was a fairly over the top way. She immediately on realizing her mistake, tends to feel a pang of guilt she has totally misjudged me and my motives. Her guilt at misjudging me causes her to usually feel instantly remorseful and of course since she is now on the backfoot she wants to compliment me back and make rapid restitution to me if possible. If I extend out my right hand to shake my evident forgiveness of her for misjudging me and she automatically reciprocates by also extending her hand to seal the forgiveness handshake ritual but I take her hand but instead of shaking it I slowly turn her proffered hand around till her palm is facing the ground. Now the slowly turning is important. That gives her time to pull it away if she is not interested. In letting me do this she becomes compliant with me doing so. That’s two unexpected surprises in a few seconds. That bombardment of unexpectedness totally confuses her, so she tends to want to seek some sort of clarity from her recent confusion. I bend forward slowly from the waist giving her again plenty of time to remove it and I ever so gently kiss the back of her hand in an old-fashioned French gentleman sort of way. If she has not withdrawn her hand by now and they invariably don’t, she has thus allowed me to kiss her hand and I look up longingly into her eyes with my fake puppy dog eyes as if I honestly believed I thought she was the epitome of absolute Nobody perfection in my eyes. Well now she is entranced and transfixed and has some clarity regarding my feelings. Having clearly expressed to her how passionately I feel about her, the ball is now firmly in her court. She needs to choose the next move. I’ve made it clear it’s now all or nothing. No middle ground option available. Reject me or forgive me and possibly fuck me. You'd be amazed at how soon after she tends to melt into my arms. She is charmed into leading me to her bed to try to make up for dreadfully misjudging and offending me and offering up her pussy for me to fuck and to adore me in return by fondling and sucking and swallowing my dick. All their idea to have sex with me of course.
 
“It's also got a real depth and afterglow down your throat. Quite different from the usual smooth Speyside malts I’ve always previously tended to drink.”

“I tend to say it’s simply the best.”

Charlie lifted up his left hand and started singing into an imaginary microphone, “Better than all the rest. ........Better than anyone else.” He stopped. “Shit Penny, I'm going all Tina Turner on you.”

“Whoah there tiger. Steady on.”

Charlie pensively looked at his whisky glass, “You know Penny, this whisky we’re drinking is first class, top shelf stuff. It's so like you therefore, First Class. The best. Simply the best as you indeed say. You know, that gives me an idea, and with your permission of course, I’d like to give you a nickname Penny if you would let me.”

“A nickname? For me? That’s a surprise. What possible nickname were you thinking of giving me Charlie?”

Charlie paused for moment, “I’d like to give you the nickname, 'Nobody'.”

“Nobody? Seriously? You seriously want to call me Nobody? ………I don’t understand. That's an incredibly cruel thing to say to anyone Charlie. That’s not funny at all. I’m surprised you could possibly say that to me. I can hardly believe you. Why would you want to be so gratuitously offensive to me?”

“Ah no, my dear. Au contraire. Don’t you know the old saying? Nobody's ......perfect.”

Penny groaned. “Cheesy as. Tell me Charlie does that way over the top chat up line ever work for you with some women?”

“Actually” replied Charlie with a huge grin, “you'd be surprised how often it does.”

“I’m surprised by their sheer gullibility to fall for such a ploy.”

“Well, it obviously does take women totally by surprise, like it did you, and quite predictably they go from feeling dreadfully insulted by me as you obviously did, to realising in only a matter of a few seconds later she was, in fact, being greatly complimented by me, in I freely admit was a fairly over the top way. She immediately on realizing her mistake, tends to feel a pang of guilt she has totally misjudged me and my motives. Her guilt at misjudging me causes her to usually feel instantly remorseful and of course since she is now on the backfoot she wants to compliment me back and make rapid restitution to me if possible. If I extend out my right hand to shake my evident forgiveness of her for misjudging me and she automatically reciprocates by also extending her hand to seal the forgiveness handshake ritual but I take her hand but instead of shaking it I slowly turn her proffered hand around till her palm is facing the ground. Now the slowly turning is important. That gives her time to pull it away if she is not interested. In letting me do this she becomes compliant with me doing so. That’s two unexpected surprises in a few seconds. That bombardment of unexpectedness totally confuses her, so she tends to want to seek some sort of clarity from her recent confusion. I bend forward slowly from the waist giving her again plenty of time to remove it and I ever so gently kiss the back of her hand in an old-fashioned French gentleman sort of way. If she has not withdrawn her hand by now and they invariably don’t, she has thus allowed me to kiss her hand and I look up longingly into her eyes with my fake puppy dog eyes as if I honestly believed I thought she was the epitome of absolute Nobody perfection in my eyes. Well now she is entranced and transfixed and has some clarity regarding my feelings. Having clearly expressed to her how passionately I feel about her, the ball is now firmly in her court. She needs to choose the next move. I’ve made it clear it’s now all or nothing. No middle ground option available. Reject me or forgive me and possibly fuck me. You'd be amazed at how soon after she tends to melt into my arms. She is charmed into leading me to her bed to try to make up for dreadfully misjudging and offending me and offering up her pussy for me to fuck and to adore me in return by fondling and sucking and swallowing my dick. All their idea to have sex with me of course.
 
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