It’s Saturday night …

[Hoopy427]

Honey glazed parsnips never seen one in my life do u need to kill it afore u eat it

If Brussels sprouts are the devil's berrys parsnips must be the devil's dick, fucking horrible things Cairnsy.

 

[The Shamrock]

I like a parsnip, just sayin

 

[Smelltheg-love]

Might be the same dame.......must at least be in the same Btw I'm copywriting that 'Mince and Totties and Secret Sauces' line just incase Celtic Rose steals it for her upcoming cookbook or SP decides to write a food inspired erotic novel! I'll let yous use it for 20% of the profits....deal!

if SP was to do it Raymond blanc would sue him for copyright infringement
having been the first pished guy to do a cookbook

 

[Spherical Planet]

If I'm out food shopping with men I support they run past the veg aisle as if it was full of shite in net bags. Their anxiety levels soar.

Jeez........I find myself walking diagonally away from they displays and feel the terror take hold.

Feckin strange phenomenon that, cos I'm no the only one

 

[Spherical Planet]

if SP was to do it Raymond blanc would sue him for copyright infringement
having been the first pished guy to do a cookbook

I'm more an acolyte o' the Keith Floyd technique. Pished first. Pished during. Pished after.

 

[Smelltheg-love]

I had an Aunty Syphilis when I was a kid.
(Her real name was Phillis but Syphilis suited her better, miserable old bag)

My ex used to work in a restaurant
On a dessert they had put sprigs/cuttings of physillis and everybody was asking what the herb was
Of course that daft cunt got confused
After the first shocked expression you’d think of asking if your pronunciation was correct
No daft arse

 

[Smelltheg-love]

I'm more an acolyte o' the Keith Floyd technique. Pished first. Pished during. Pished after.

That’s a wainwrightolyte
Drinks before dinner and wine with dinner and after dinner drinks

 

[Smelltheg-love]

My ex used to work in a restaurant
On a dessert they had put sprigs/cuttings of physillis and everybody was asking what the herb was
Of course that daft cunt got confused
After the first shocked expression you’d think of asking if your pronunciation was correct
No daft arse

Ps she wondered why her tips were down that night

she says some woman asked her

so your saying you gave my husband syphillis
she’s like aye loads of people have had it tonight

‘I think she was drunk, she couldn’t stop laughing after that’

 

[Spherical Planet]

That’s a wainwrightolyte
Drinks before dinner and wine with dinner and after dinner drinks

Here.......you dinnae think the Louden was named after that fella, do ye?

It makes sense wie the amount o' pishpots in there

 

[Shadow2]

I've got a great recipe for mutton, but most of the preparation is still illegal in the UK.

I'm sure I'd get it published on the dark Web though

Mutton....! Ffs is it no disgusting enough already without your particular 'spin' on it SP.

Nae offence mate but if it was a choice between your 'mutton' or taking up an invite for a bite tae eat roon at Hannibal Lecter's hoose then bring oan the Fava beans and Chianti!

 

[tictastic]

Thank you all for the laughs, great thread btw.

 

[Spherical Planet]

Mutton....! Ffs is it no disgusting enough already without your particular 'spin' on it SP.

Nae offence mate but if it was a choice between your 'mutton' or taking up an invite for a bite tae eat roon at Hannibal Lecter's hoose then bring oan the Fava beans and Chianti!

I've made no secret of the fact that I prefer mutton to lamb (it's a teuchter thing).

Especially during they long northern winter nights when the cold starts to bite.

 

[MickyMcMick]

I've got a great recipe for mutton, but most of the preparation is still illegal in the UK.

I'm sure I'd get it published on the dark Web though

The Aberdeen fans have their own methods of breeding mutton and most of that is also illegal in the UK

 

[Hoopy427]

Jeez........I find myself walking diagonally away from they displays and feel the terror take hold.

Feckin strange phenomenon that, cos I'm no the only one

Men should get their own supermarkets, one Isle for sausages, one Isle for drink and a checkout where anyone with more than 6 items can fuck right off!

It would make shopping a far quicker more pleasurable experience for us instead of having to fight past bastards fingering avocados and sniffing melons!

Then you end up in the checkout queue holding a box of Stella and a packet of sausages and in front of you somebody has a trolley with enough food in it to feed Afghanistan for a week, do they let you through? Do they fuck! You end up stood there for an hour while they unload and package all their shite, they complain about the quality of the plastic bags, then they start raking about to find a coupon at the bottom of their bag that gets them 2p off a tin of beans, then they canny remember their pin number and assume the 30 furious folk now waiting behind them in the queue will join them in thinking its hilarious. Im thinking the game starts in 5 minutes I'll buy your food if it'll speed up this fuckaboutery! Does my tits in, hate shopping and people!

 

[Spherical Planet]

The Aberdeen fans have their own methods of breeding mutton and most of that is also illegal in the UK

Sorry to correct you, Mick - but that is a popular misconception in the west and wholly (wooly) inaccurate.

Once you meet your typical Aberdonian, you'll soon be to realise that they are all thick as dung.

It is the sheep that have made slaves o' they wingnuts. Think Planet of the Apes, only with sheep

 

[Tarzan Trombone]

 

[Smelltheg-love]

I've made no secret of the fact that I prefer mutton to lamb (it's a teuchter thing).

Especially during they long northern winter nights when the cold starts to bite.

That’ll be the crabs

 

[Spherical Planet]

Wonder when he stopped bothering if it was red or white that he was quaffing, that that's when he became Pink Floyd

 

[Smelltheg-love]

Men should get their own supermarkets, one Isle for sausages, one Isle for drink and a checkout where anyone with more than 6 items can fuck right off!

It would make shopping a far quicker more pleasurable experience for us instead of having to fight past bastards fingering avocados and sniffing melons!

Then you end up in the checkout queue holding a box of Stella and a packet of sausages and in front of you somebody has a trolley with enough food in it to feed Afghanistan for a week, do they let you through? Do they fuck! You end up stood there for an hour while they unload and package all their shite, they complain about the quality of the plastic bags, then they start raking about to find a coupon at the bottom of their bag that gets them 2p off a tin of beans, then they canny remember their pin number and assume the 30 furious folk now waiting behind them in the queue will join them in thinking its hilarious. Im thinking the game starts in 5 minutes I'll buy your food if it'll speed up this fuckaboutery! Does my tits in, hate shopping and people!

If that happens to me I just put my two items in their trolley and fuck off

 

[Spherical Planet]

That’ll be the crabs

The crabs shat it fae they 12-legged critters that nest in the permed mullet doon there