TET
Well-known member
I think rotund shady fits better
welcome woman with neurosis
look at my beard while I take away your anxiety with my fingers
snort some of this white powder
I have invented a new science
The Celtic Star
- Thread starter michael duffy
- Start date
welcome woman with neurosis
look at my beard while I take away your anxiety with my fingers
snort some of this white powder
I have invented a new science
TET
Well-known member
he has his grandads look about him
but has he got his fingers
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/20...posed-as-a-paedophile-as-police-urged-to-pro/
I've written a psychological textbook for therapists that will be published in German in Germany on September 15th. The title of the book if translated into English would be 'How to Cure Anxiety in Just Four therapy sessions. The book is apparently the only German clinical textbook that starts with a joke according to the publisher . I enclose the English version below.
If someone asks me how I seem so convinced that hypnosis can possibly help them cure their anxiety or panic, when many months or even many years of previous counselling sessions have already failed, and that many other therapists have already tried a huge variety of approaches and yet have still failed to help them, I choose to reply to their quite reasonable enquiry in a very deliberate but indirect way.
I pause and establish eye contact with them for a few moments and then somewhat theatrically look up and to my right as if being very contemplative about how best to answer this question.
I then look back at them and smile.
“Let me tell you an old joke by way of an explanation to your question.
Once upon a time a very, very intoxicated man was staggering about looking intently at the ground underneath a lamp post.
A police officer saw him and politely enquired, “Are you alright Sir?
The drunk then looked up at the police officer and replied, “No, offi-sher, I’ve lost my car keys and (hic).. and I can't find them… anywhere.”
“You’re obviously in no way fit to drive a car!”
“I know that offi-sher, I’ve had a few too many… drinks. A few whiskies. I know that.....But I still need to find my..... missing car keys.”
The officer looks around at the ground - no keys are anywhere in view.
“Are you sure that you lost the keys here?”
“Oh No, Not at all. I lost them in that dark bush over there”
“Then why are you looking for them here?”
“Well there’s a lot more light under the lamp post here!”
Most people smile! They tend to appreciate my unusual way of answering their question.
As I said, it’s an old joke, but I often use it when asked by patients to explain why I choose to use hypnosis as a treatment method and how it can potentially help. If possible I prefer not to explain why I have chosen to answer their question by telling them the joke or even explaining the underlying message unless they specifically ask me to do so.
If someone asks me how I seem so convinced that hypnosis can possibly help them cure their anxiety or panic, when many months or even many years of previous counselling sessions have already failed, and that many other therapists have already tried a huge variety of approaches and yet have still failed to help them, I choose to reply to their quite reasonable enquiry in a very deliberate but indirect way.
I pause and establish eye contact with them for a few moments and then somewhat theatrically look up and to my right as if being very contemplative about how best to answer this question.
I then look back at them and smile.
“Let me tell you an old joke by way of an explanation to your question.
Once upon a time a very, very intoxicated man was staggering about looking intently at the ground underneath a lamp post.
A police officer saw him and politely enquired, “Are you alright Sir?
The drunk then looked up at the police officer and replied, “No, offi-sher, I’ve lost my car keys and (hic).. and I can't find them… anywhere.”
“You’re obviously in no way fit to drive a car!”
“I know that offi-sher, I’ve had a few too many… drinks. A few whiskies. I know that.....But I still need to find my..... missing car keys.”
The officer looks around at the ground - no keys are anywhere in view.
“Are you sure that you lost the keys here?”
“Oh No, Not at all. I lost them in that dark bush over there”
“Then why are you looking for them here?”
“Well there’s a lot more light under the lamp post here!”
Most people smile! They tend to appreciate my unusual way of answering their question.
As I said, it’s an old joke, but I often use it when asked by patients to explain why I choose to use hypnosis as a treatment method and how it can potentially help. If possible I prefer not to explain why I have chosen to answer their question by telling them the joke or even explaining the underlying message unless they specifically ask me to do so.
By asking that question I can infer that you already know the answer.
TET
Well-known member
that was handy meeting a friendly finger man on holiday when your weans went missing
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...-hosted-McCanns-weeks-Madeleine-vanished.html
During the war and without realising that the other country had done this, the British used the French word coupon for the rationing while in Occupied France the French used the English word ticket. Shame seemed to be a factor, embarrassment. People are funny.
michael duffy
Well-known member
yep,an old professor told me at uni,"never ask a question ye don't know the answer to"!
TET
Well-known member
I am not a number
michael duffy
Well-known member
TET
Well-known member
When I get anxiety I listen to Dire straights
they knew what they were talking about
and they get lots of money for singing songs and reading poems
Their therapy also much cheaper than my shrink
He just tells me old jokes and has hunters of dirty women at his beckon call.
michael duffy
Well-known member
ah find pink floyd and the clash quite therapeutical
According to Saul
Well-known member
Well done Nial HH
michael duffy
Well-known member
Hope so!
TET
Well-known member
I keep having a recurring dream.
I find myself lying homeless totally knackered, freezing, starving and stressed out my box on the edge of the river Clyde down near the big bridges in Glasgow.
Just as Im falling asleep this gorgeous woman taps me on shoulder.
She says
Tet
Why are you lying here?
I explain im homeless with no pals
She says look I cant be having this I am a billionaire, come with me and ill get you some food.
So totally knackered I trust this woman.
We get into a giant limousine and she takes me on a journey out to this giant stately home.
When we get there she says jump into this private bathroom and help your self to some of the clothes in my brother wardrobe, he was about your size. He died recently in a car accident and doesn't need them. It was terrible.
I get good wash and put on fine new clothes.
And there is this Mechlin quality meal all prepared for me.
She says there is room for you to get a good rest.
I couldn't thank her enough.
Anyway after dinner im still knackered so I go to bedroom
Massive big bed
Beautiful room.
Soft bed clothes
I feel so good.
Just as im about to fall asleep
She comes in room
in night gown
most amazing body you ever seen
and says she is so lonely and wonders if I wouldn't mind if she slept besides me and cuddled me
I thought omg this is even better
I rolled over to let her into the bed.
Splash! I rolled right into the Clyde again.
I find myself lying homeless totally knackered, freezing, starving and stressed out my box on the edge of the river Clyde down near the big bridges in Glasgow.
Just as Im falling asleep this gorgeous woman taps me on shoulder.
She says
Tet
Why are you lying here?
I explain im homeless with no pals
She says look I cant be having this I am a billionaire, come with me and ill get you some food.
So totally knackered I trust this woman.
We get into a giant limousine and she takes me on a journey out to this giant stately home.
When we get there she says jump into this private bathroom and help your self to some of the clothes in my brother wardrobe, he was about your size. He died recently in a car accident and doesn't need them. It was terrible.
I get good wash and put on fine new clothes.
And there is this Mechlin quality meal all prepared for me.
She says there is room for you to get a good rest.
I couldn't thank her enough.
Anyway after dinner im still knackered so I go to bedroom
Massive big bed
Beautiful room.
Soft bed clothes
I feel so good.
Just as im about to fall asleep
She comes in room
in night gown
most amazing body you ever seen
and says she is so lonely and wonders if I wouldn't mind if she slept besides me and cuddled me
I thought omg this is even better
I rolled over to let her into the bed.
Splash! I rolled right into the Clyde again.
michael duffy
Well-known member
I keep having a recurring dream.
I find myself lying homeless totally knackered, freezing, starving and stressed out my box on the edge of the river Clyde down near the big bridges in Glasgow.
Just as Im falling asleep this gorgeous woman taps me on shoulder.
She says
Tet
Why are you lying here?
I explain im homeless with no pals
She says look I cant be having this I am a billionaire, come with me and ill get you some food.
So totally knackered I trust this woman.
We get into a giant limousine and she takes me on a journey out to this giant stately home.
When we get there she says jump into this private bathroom and help your self to some of the clothes in my brother wardrobe, he was about your size. He died recently in a car accident and doesn't need them. It was terrible.
I get good wash and put on fine new clothes.
And there is this Mechlin quality meal all prepared for me.
She says there is room for you to get a good rest.
I couldn't thank her enough.
Anyway after dinner im still knackered so I go to bedroom
Massive big bed
Beautiful room.
Soft bed clothes
I feel so good.
Just as im about to fall asleep
She comes in room
in night gown
most amazing body you ever seen
and says she is so lonely and wonders if I wouldn't mind if she slept besides me and cuddled me
I thought omg this is even better
I rolled over to let her into the bed.
Splash! I rolled right into the Clyde again.
!was eatin the most amazing tastin giant marshmallow,it wiz feckin delicious, woke up and found ah wiz scoffin (stolen by the brit's in the wwi after a famous french chef!) ma pillow!!!!Hotel worker is delivering a meal and knocks on the door of the guest and to his astonishment the door is opened by a gorgeous woman wearing a negligee open at the front showing all of her fabulous body. His mouth drops open as he peruses her incredible figure. She call out "someone is coming" and drags him in by the tie and closes the door behind him. She says "whats my greatest asset. Is my fabulous tits, or my eyes or my incredible figure.
He stammers "it's your ears"
She looks mystified. He explains "When you said someone was coming, ..... that was me!"
He stammers "it's your ears"
She looks mystified. He explains "When you said someone was coming, ..... that was me!"
