Have just seen the champions league highlights heres ma report
Bayern 5- 0 V Plzen
-Bayern looking mighty impressive against the Czechs or is it the Czechies noo? Must get ma pronouns right.
Built another brilliant team on the back of Lewandowski leaving, Sane and Mane outstanding players, dismantled Plzen, could say its expected 5-1, 0-2, 5-0 defeats for Plzen only rangers look as in over their heads as Plzen.
Inter 1 - 0 Barcelona
- Looked pretty slick on the ball Inter , just as well with 28.4% possession, Barcelona goal disallowed by VAR, loadsa huff nae puff.
Keep telling them gotta take yer cha....
Marseille 4 - 1 Sporting Lisbon
- Possibly the worst 90 minute implosion yer likely to see for years.
Sporting score after 50 seconds and look like normal CL service has resumed having already beaten spurs 2-0 & Frankfurt 3-0
Then the goalie has one of those disaster nights only a goalie can have.
Keeper Adnan smashes clearance aff Sanchez (man utd/arsenal wan) goes into the net, then keeper Adnan gives ball away again 2-0, then keeper Adnan gets himself sent off, then replacement keeper for Adnan first task is to pick the ball out the net , then Marseille defender goes aw Maradona beating defenders like lustig in a Glasgow derby and scores.
This was really Sporting beating themselves 4-1 best display against self I've seen for ages.
Eintracht Frankfurt 0 - 0 Spurs
- A game of two halfs? That's whit they say. 1st half hunners of chances , 2nd half hunners of chances. 12-11 chances but only 2 shots on target each .
Piss poor game another poor day for spurs.
Liverpool 2 - 2 Glasgow Old Firm
- outstanding intricate passing from liverpool first half as they tried to walk it in the net. Their ' rubbish' player Alexander Arnold scores peach free kick from outside the box. Liverpool continue to try and walk it in despite scoring from distance, but " against a goalkeeper with the class of McGregor " (sick bag
Soup takers ) he made some really good saves tbf many straight at him.
The difference between 5-0 and 2-0 and liverpool's inability to "take your chan..."
Leon King ( that mainstay rangers starter) forgot there were no scottish mibs and was punished, Salah beats McGregor from resulting penalty 2-0 " have to feel sorry for McGregor his performance been outsta....
Mornings front pages " liverpool fans boo the national anthem!" Whit? Naw ye say?
Morelos, Davies,King, Sakala, Matondo all get some of their first minutes of this season, giving the hint GVB has all but given up on the champions league or EL progression after 4-0, 0-3, 0-2 defeats Plzen style. Rainjurs happy to take the money and run, next up , oh liverpool.
" it'll be a different story in Glasgow "
Where you at the game caller ?
Ajax 1 - 6 Napoli
- Ajax storm into early lead but swept away by outstanding display from Italians who were 3-1 up at HT and just to add insult Youri Baas comes on as Ajax substitute at 6-1 down.
Ajax taken to the cleaners
Brugge 2 - 0 Atletico Madrid
- Always brilliant to see the wee teams put the freeloading 3rd/4th place / shouldnt be in the tourney teams oan their arse. Following on from 4-0 (a) V Porto and 1-0 (h) V Leverkusen, 3 games 9pts fantastic.
Alvaro Moratta reminds everyone just how shoite he can be missing good chances. 2-0 up Brugge begin to fall victim to Atleti's shithousery tactics playing for a penalty which they got then Geizzman hit the bar , justice served.
Then moments later Griezmann has the ball in the net but VAR rules say offside.
Nae luck Atleti , couldnae happen to a better team .
Porto 2 - 0 Bayer Leverkusen
- Madness in this game VAR working overtime so as no cnut knows wtf is going on?
Hudson-Odoi scores for Leverkusen and...no he doesnt VAR overturns the goal, foul in the build up, sit doon!
GOAL ! For Porto they take the lead and...no they dont the goal is overturned by VAR - sit doon!
Not only does VAR overturn the Porto goal but spies a penalty Hawkeye would be proud of in the build up against them , penalty to Leverkusen- fans cheer!
Patrick Schick of David Marshall's nightmares steps up cool as you like and the keeper saves the penalty- sit doon!
Still 0-0 efter aw that standing - cheering- sitting doon.
20 minutes left GOAL Porto...is it? Aw check with VAR first tae see , dont want tae cheer another goal like some clown
just for VAR to say sit doon!
But naw but aye this time it's a goal 1-0 Porto staun up!
4 minutes left Porto scores a 2nd , nobody moves an inch , aw wide for this VAR character and his nasty wee jokes .
Good goal Porto 2-0 but naebody really knows whit tae think so instead of cheering the goal everybody decides its safer tae just - sit doon! Is 2-0 but.
88th minute and our former ping-pong is found guilty of fouling Pepe...hmm Pepe?
Did he really or was this Pepe being Pepe?
Cameras couldnae care less after all the VAR-ry oan and highlights disnae even show the sending aff as Pepe chuckles his evil laugh , hes evil, Pepe.
And that is todays fitba news fae last night.
Go away no.....oh nearly got sued for breach of copyright .
Sorry Sandman wont happen again .
THE CHAMPIONS!!!
{ Cue Champions league music and fade to end like old LP's did }